


Never Be The Same Again

by supercanaries



Category: Glee
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, Switching, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:07:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercanaries/pseuds/supercanaries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kurt is over the edge of another break down - the last months have been living hell to him - and he egoistically can’t stand that he’s the only one from the glee club who doesn’t have a date at Mercedes and Mike’s wedding, the most unexpected person comes to save him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Be The Same Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> This is my entry for the Kurtbastian BigBang, I have been working on it for so long and I can't even believe it's finally over. There might be some mistakes because English is not my first language and I tried to correct it as much as I could. I was lucky enough to have an amazing artist for this story! :3 Hope you enjoy.
> 
> ps - title is from Melanie C's "Never Be the Same Again".
> 
> Link to fan art: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1141769

This isn’t how a wedding is supposed to feel.

You are sitting on the stairs in front of the threshold of the Hudmel house – which is still haunted with memories of Finn, no matter where you look – waiting for your dad and Carole to come out. The house looks sad now, it’s like it’s emptier. That’s the reason why you never come back home. Indeed, you try to avoid Lima as much as you can. But today you had to.

It’s the first wedding of the New Directions and you don’t feel like screwing it up.

You know that anybody in the glee club feels the loss, but you also know that it’s different to you and Rachel. Whatever you had with Finn is still there. And somehow, even if you’ve never believed in God, you feel like he’s still here, beside you. 

You soon realize that your eyes are wet with moist, so you lift a hand to recollect the tears before they stream down your cheeks. You wipe them away with the back of your hand. You don’t want to ruin the first wedding in the club. 

You know it’s a wedding but it sort of feels like a funeral.

Another funeral.

You are dressed in a white suit, mostly because you want to be as far as possible from black today – though you know that probably most of the boys will be wearing black. The suit is tight and perfect on your body, makes your torso look smoother and gorgeous. You are wearing a light blue shirt underneath the white suit and a light blue pocket-handkerchief.

You look way too hot for a guy who’s alone.

“Ready to go, kid?” Burt calls you and you turn your back over your shoulder to look at him fondly, forcing a smile and nodding as you stand up.

You spend the whole car trip to the church wondering how it all happened, how all the people in glee managed to stick together and everybody has got their perfect relationship – some of them are quite unexpected.

And then there’s you.

You are the kind of guy that was meant to be left alone in the end and right when you were starting to think this was just a stupid idea, some sort of silly insecurity, that you were blessed with the love of other people, there you are. The only one who hasn’t got a date tonight.

You try not to think about it too much as you step outside of the car and right to the church, leaving your family behind. 

Tina waves her hand at you while she’s sitting on Artie’s lap, proudly showing the engagement ring that Artie has given her a month ago. You know that, of course. It’s because you always chat with the girls, even though they’re far from New York. You’ve heard Tina squeaking about the ring for hours and even though the idea that you won’t probably get one made you sick, you laughed and smile as you heard the happiness in her voice.

You walk forward and it’s just a few steps before you feel yourself tugged into a tight fond hug.

Rachel is holding you and you give up a little in her hold. Lately, Rachel is the only person you feel comfortable with showing your weakness to. You lean a little into this hug, smiling as you gently brush your cheek along hers. You inhale the wonderful smell of her hair and glance over to look at Jesse. He’s holding Rachel’s jack standing behind her and you just wink at him because you’re glad that he’s been beside her when she needed someone. Jesse proves you that he is over the hateful feelings he had for you and he smiles back.

Then, Rachel trails back and looks into your eyes.

“How are you?” She asks immediately and you beam because you haven’t seen her in 24 hours and yet she’s worried about how you feel. “I know you slept at your place. Was it like … weird?” She asks and you can see the shadow of sadness that darkens her eyes.

Your smile drops in the blink of an eye.

You know Rachel doesn’t want to be inappropriate. It’s just natural for her to ask you.

“It was.” You murmur, but try not to get lost in the details – you don’t feel comfortable yet with sharing this side of you with Rachel either; not in the details at least. “Is the bridegroom here already?”

“Yup.” Rachel presses her lips together like she’s now realizing how direct she has been. “We’re all waiting for the bride. Did you …” She points at you and then bites her lower lip nervously, “Oh, did you come alone?”

You sigh and chew your lip as you blink slowly at the ground. 

You can feel your cheeks burn.

You know that she has spotted Burt and Carole, so what she means is clearly different from that. 

“I just … I had no idea who to bring as my date.” You say eventually, looking at her again. “I wouldn’t feel at ease with Adam, you know, I’ve been cheating on him with Blaine, so … total disaster.”

She seems to agree as she steps back and Jesse stretches his arms to lean his hand. You do the same and hold it in your own, keep the smile on your face as you try to stay familiar with him.

“I can be your date if Rachel allows me to.” Jesse jokes and you laugh and shake your head.

“I’ll just stick around.” You murmur, letting go of his hand go and starting to walk around. “See you guys later!”

You barely give them a chance to say goodbye because you just need to escape from them. Watching other cute couples being happy makes you feel even lonelier. 

Your escape is not really helpful though, because as soon as you walk to the entrance of the church, you see Brittany and Santana holding hands, fingers intertwined, and the worst thing is they’re talking to Blaine and Sam. 

Santana must have some sort of red kink because she’s wearing a tight red dress again, like every single time, and her hair is wavy, black and curled along her shoulder and back. Her lips are painted in red and she’s got a heavy make-up on her eyes which makes her look stunning as always (although you’ve seen Santana at 6 am, so you know she probably just is stunning).

Brittany beside her looks even more gorgeous and as you walk, you take a second to stare at how beautiful she is today: her hair is gathered and her make-up is light but right. She’s wearing a wonderful white dress that fits her tall perfect body amazingly. 

You keep your breath in for a few seconds, like you’re trying to pass them by silently, so that they don’t see you. Sam is holding his arm around Blaine’s shoulders, keeping him so close that their hips are brushing and maybe even slightly pressing together.

It’s okay though.

It’s not like you’re mad at Sam nor Blaine. They look happy together and that’s all you care about. You just feel embarrassed because your ex-crush and your ex-boyfriend are here together and you don’t have a fucking date. It makes you look like a loser.

“Hey Kurt!”

Fuck.

You recognize Blaine’s voice and hold your breath as you turn towards them, almost in slow motion, to give yourself the time to wear a little smile. 

“Hey guys.” You say, lifting a hand as Brittany waves at you happily.

“Are you alone, Lady Hummel?” Santana asks immediately and you can’t help but wonder how she can do that. You’ve lived for months together now and she still has no mercy. “Too bad. If you wanna double date Britts and I, come and join.”

You feel a little clenching at your stomach, but you don’t want to show it. You know how Santana is, so you won’t get mad at them either.

“I just didn’t feel like bringing anyone new.” You murmur, forcing a smile as you can feel you cheeks flush in nervousness. “You know, with all that stuff about having an intimate thing, I didn’t feel like … bringing someone new in our family today of all days.”

Santana looks at you suspiciously, and you’re sure she knows you’re lying. She has found a way to read into you apparently, so there’s nothing you can do about it. The others seem to believe you and that makes you feel more relived at least. 

“I don’t think that would have been to be a problem, Kurt.” Sam shrugs and as you turn to him, you notice the way his fingers are tightening around the bone of Blaine’s shoulder. 

You know he’s not doing it on a purpose, you know that Sam doesn’t want to act like he’s jealous. It’s maybe an instinct because you and Blaine have been together for so long and … shit, you already feel like crying again.

“I don’t think Mercedes would have been mad at you,” Brittany says, tugging Santana closer with a hand on her hip, “I mean, she wasn’t mad when she’s invited her own clone, so …”

You force a smile and shrug, trying to look as casual as possible.

“Well, we’re going to have fun together anyway, right?” You ask lightly, but your chest feels heavy because you’re starting to think that you’ll be left alone all night long. “We’re friends, so.”

“It’s going to be fun, don’t worry.” Blaine reaches to pat a hand on your shoulder and you could swear you’ve never felt more uncomfortable under his touch. “I guess we won’t spin the bottle tonight though. It’s always been a total crack when we did it.”

You sigh as Santana is stiffening for some reason.

“Oh c’mon, stop being so pathetic.” She says wincing at Blaine who lifts his eyebrows, surprised. “You’re making Kurt think he is going to have fun, that’s mean.” She says, turning to you. “Listen to me, Lady Hummel. This is going to be boring and hurtful. When everybody will be dancing with their boyfriend slash girlfriend you’re going to be left alone, sitting on a table and thinking about how happy we must be and-”

“Santana.” Sam cuts in, rolling his eyes and you just don’t know what to do anymore not to cry in front of them.

“What?” She asks casually but Brittany starts to push her away from you, because she’s clearly dangerous when you’re already hurt like this.

As they walk away, you need a few seconds before you find the strength to turn to Blaine and Sam again. Now that you’re no longer distracted by the girls’ beautiful dresses – at least fashion always makes you happy – you can stare at their black suits and purple ties. They look good together and your heart flicks as you realize it.

You feel so out of place now.

You press your lips together uncomfortably but Sam is smiling at you like he wants to reassure you. It’s easier for him, he’s got Blaine, and you know what it feels like to have Blaine by your side. It makes you feel protected and loved and powerful. Sam is probably feeling like this now, but you can’t blame him because they look good together.

“I guess I’ll just huh … take a seat.” You murmur and Sam’s smile drops like he is disappointed because he wasn’t able to cheer you up. He’s so adorable, ugh. You couldn’t hate him even if you tried.

“See you later.” Blaine says and you beam at both.

“Definitely.” You whisper in a hoarse voice and walk into the church.

You’re not going to cry today.

But if it happens, you really don’t want to cry in front of other people. 

This is Mercedes and Mike’s wedding and you really don’t want to ruin it. Today and tonight everything is about them. Starting from tomorrow, you’ll be thinking about yourself, how to feel, who to love, but today is just not about you. 

You walk through the row of wood benches, searching for a seat as you keep your eyes low so that you don’t meet anybody’s gaze. You need a few seconds just for yourself, to sigh and then go back to the wedding mood.

This is going to feel like hell.

/

You’re partly resigned at how it’s going to be so you just let the day slide, being careful that no one notices how depressed you are. Not even dinner at the restaurant of this fucking expensive hotel is making you dizzy and excited like it would if you were just yourself. 

Mercedes and Mike must have gained a lot with their tour, and this makes you feel even more like a failure (basically, not only your friends have amazing relationships but they also have collaborations within their relationships), which is the reason why you’re sitting at the drinks counter when an unexpected voice makes you startle.

“Kurt Hummel in suit and tie.”

When you look up to stare at the Sebastian Smythe, you feel your chest clutch with displeasure. This must be the worst nightmare ever or Sebastian has some sort of radar to sense your bad mood and come around to take advantage of it. That would be creepy because you haven’t got crazy to the point you might think Sebastian has come to Mikecedes’ wedding just to bore you, maybe.

You don’t answer.

You just turn to the barman and nod towards the glass, smiling weakly at the man as he starts to fill it again.

“Woah, go easy with that one.” Sebastian says and you wonder why he hasn’t gone away already. Maybe you should just go on ignoring him; that would make him go away. “Seriously, that shit is strong, easy-“

“Fuck you.”

It’s out before you can even realize you’ve said it but you just don’t care. You’ve lost the count on the drinks you had and fucking hate the guy standing in front of you. You’ve got no inhibitions and for once, you’re totally happy about that.

Sebastian stays quite and you don’t even look at him to check on his face.

Maybe this time he’ll leave, eventually.

“Well, I wanted to buy you a drink first, but I’ve seen you took care of that alone.”

You can practically hear the smirk on his face and if looks could kill, Sebastian would be dead from the one you turn to him, as you part your lips to speak.

The words die in your throat though.

Now you’re staring at Sebastian.

He looks elegant too, wearing a classic black suit and tie, his CW hair fixed perfectly, just like you remembered it and his piercing green eyes are staring at you with the same challenging sparkle he gave to you in high school. Well, it’s not like there’s any Blaine between you now to fire up the challenge though.

“I’m not with Blaine anymore.” You say then, shrugging, your voice sounding a little hoarse at this weird energy exchange (like Santana would probably call it). “So … you just don’t have to do this.”

“What? Teasing you?” Sebastian asks.

You look at him and nod.

“That has nothing to do with Blaine.” Sebastian shrugs. “It’s funny, you’re a bitch. Besides, I know you’re not together anymore, you know Blaine and I are friends on Facebook.”

“Stalker.” You mutter and lift your drink to put it against your lips.

When it reaches your mouth though, you finally realize that your hand is shaking. So must Sebastian, because he reaches out and dares to wrap his fingers around your wrist, making your hand startle back as you immediately look into his eyes.

Your skin is on fire.

You feel like Sebastian’s fingertips might leave a mark on you and when you need to blink a few times to look at his face without it being blurred, you realize that you might have drunk too much, seriously.

“Don’t touch me.” You mutter and Sebastian shakes his head.

“Are you on pills?” He asks you, looking into your eyes.

A shiver runs through you body, along with embarrassment marking your cheeks with red patches. You could swear that you’re eyes are getting wet already.

“No.” 

You’ve been on pills before, but not recently.

“I don’t believe you.” Sebastian says tightening just slightly the hold on your wrist and making you wince in displeasure. “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“Ugh, no.” You answer again, wrinkling every muscle of your face.

“Are you sure? Because I don’t want to deal with guilt any more than I did in high school.” Sebastian’s smirk has dropped completely now and you feel it inside you: if you don’t leave now, you’re going to cry in front of this stupid meerkat.

“Sure, just … let me go.” You murmur and Sebastian stares at you contemplatively for a few seconds. Then he lets go.

“Fine.” He says, looking down as he fixes his suit with his hands. “Stop drinking.”

“You’re not my dad.” You say and roll you eyes.

You know it’s not pills, drugs or alcohol that makes you tremble.

It’s just … him? Well, it’s something about him being here with all the cracking emotions already coming out tonight. He doesn’t help your fake-dizzy-from-wedding mood and its already weak balance.

“Okay, bitch.” Sebastian tells you frankly and you look at him again. He’s looking back at you. “Just tell me, what are you doing here? Is this one of those movie sequences in which your friends get married and you get drunk because you’re lonely?”

You fucking hate him.

You don’t even answer; you just turn towards the counter and pick up the glass again, this time lifting it faster so that Sebastian can’t stop you. The hot burning liquor hits your throat and makes you wince at the taste but you don’t care, you won’t care about anything tonight. You won’t care about Sebastian especially, even if - now that you’ve opened your eyes – you seem to realize that he’s looking at you with real concern in his own.

Maybe it’s just the alcohol in your system that makes it look like this as it sends weird goosebumps through your veins. It surely must be. There’s no way that Sebastian Smythe might be worried about you.

“It is.” Sebastian confirms to himself and then sighs. “Who’s getting married? Blaine and the blondie?”

You almost spit the liquor on the counter as you turn to him, throwing daggers with your eyes.

“Sebastian, fuck off.” You say between gritted teeth. “You’re testing my patience and acting like an indelicate asshole, so just-”

“You snap back at me when I’m nice too, so I’ll just stay a douche.” Sebastian shrugs lightly and his tranquility gets on your nerves. “Actually, at least you reply me when I act like a bitch, instead of ignoring me while I’m talking to you.”

You’re so fucking jealous of his quietness now.

“I’m not good, ok?” You say, lowering your voice and giving up on drinking more. “Are you happy now? I’m sad and feel lonely and-”

“Some sex would do you good.” Sebastian grins.

“You’re unbelievable.” You mutter. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”

It’s totally unlike that Sebastian was proposing sex for real; you know, in the end it’s the two of you and Sebastian wouldn’t want to sleep with you, would he? No matter how many years have gone by, you still haven’t forgotten the way he acted towards you, the things he told you. Some of them still hurt, even if you’ve always tried to hide it from him.

“You look sad and I’m bored.” Sebastian says, still nonchalantly. “I think this is an excellent reason for me to stay.”

You sigh and this time you don’t care about your pride: all you want is for Sebastian to leave you alone. So you look into his eyes, almost pleading as you say: “Sebastian, I had a bad day, a bad month and I’m eventually going to have a bad life; would you mind leaving me and my poison alone?”

Sebastian looks at you contemplatively for a few seconds, his arms crossed to his chest and his lips slightly parted like he’s about to reply. He doesn’t though. The muscles of his shoulders relax and if you didn’t know him any better, you’d probably think he looks disappointed. But you know him, so the only thing you get from the way he is acting is that he has given up.

“See you around then.” He just says and lifts his eyebrows a little maliciously. “If you don’t kill yourself before we meet again obviously.”

He doesn’t add anything and all you can think is that everything looks weird. The things you’ve said, the things he has said … You don’t bring yourself to care too much anyway. You just order another drink and wrinkle your lips in disappointed towards yourself. 

All that Sebastian has told you – no matter how stupid it seems – has fired up the light you were trying to turn off in your mind and tightened the knot you were loosening in your chest.

You wonder if sex would really do you good.

It’s been so long since the last time, and that is only because you haven’t managed yet to bring yourself into a strangers’ bed. Of course you wouldn’t need ten months of dating to have sex now, but still, your diva personality hasn’t allowed you to give yourself away without a little courtship first.

What if a one night stand is actually everything you need?

You feel stupid for letting Sebastian drive into your mind so easily, but you know the reason why. It’s that you’ve drunk too much, you’re sad and lonely, and everything looks promising for the way you’re feeling; you can’t imagine yourself actually feeling worse than this, so everything makes sense in your mind as long as it’s not about sitting on a tool in a bar while your friends get married you can’t stop thinking about your dead step-brother and how lonely you are now that your ex-boyfriend is here dating the guy you used to have a crush on.

You have no idea how much time you spend there, sitting and drinking, but you eventually stand up.

When your head spins a little, you realize you’ve drunk enough to let yourself feel dizzy and happy about nothing. This way, you think it’s going to be much easier to pretend like you’re having fun with your friends.

You walk back into the restaurant and wave at Rachel, though she’s suspiciously looking at you like you’ve done something wrong. You have indeed: you just got drunk on Mikecedes’ wedding and have slightly considered the idea of running to Sebastian and press him into the wall and fuck him. Nothing could actually be worst than this.

“Where have you been?” She asks, tightening her eyelids as you sit in front of her and beside Jesse. 

“Just having a drink.” You answer half honestly and grin at both as Rachel rolls her eyes.

“Oh what are you doing, Kurt?” She asks and Jesse shifts uncomfortably in his seat – he has learnt to know when it’s time for some honest Hummelberry talk – and then he stands up.

“I guess I’ll have a drink too.” He says, shrugging back to his usual confidence. “Where’s the bar, Kurt?”

You nod at him towards it and finally you’re left alone with Rachel. You look at her with pleading eyes, almost as if you’re begging for her to leave you alone with your pain today. The alcohol in your system has eased you enough to make you loosen and now you feel like you could even laugh if you tried. So you don’t want Rachel to scold you back to sadness.

“I’m trying to have fun.” You answer then, as honestly as you can.

“Did you take pills?” She asks you and what the hell? Do you have a pill face or something? What’s up with everybody and your stupid pills?

“I didn’t.” You sigh annoyed. “I’m just drinking, Blaine does it all time. He’s practically drunk every time the glee club meets and everybody supposes he’s just happy. If I’m drunk, then it’s because I’m depressed and I want to kill myself.”

Rachel looks at you weirdly for a few seconds and you realize what you’ve said and why it’s making her wince.

“I-I didn’t say you wanted to kill yourself though.” Rachel whispers and she leans a hand over the table, reaching for yours and squeezing it gently as she looks into your eyes. “But … do you?” 

“I don’t.” You answer harshly.

It’s not like you’ve never thought about it, but the question is if you want to do that now and you don’t. You’re just sad, that’s it. And if you want to have fun, you’re going to need alcohol and turning off your mind for a night. That is the only way you could survive this wedding and it’s the reason why you’ve been doing what you did.

“Hmm okay.” Rachel presses her lips together and looks down for a minute. “Why don’t you just go downstairs for a few minutes?” She asks and looks at you again. “There’s a disco and I can hear the basses from here. Why don’t you just go and dance a little? Maybe you’ll meet some hot guy who worships you for how gorgeous you are.”

You smile weakly at her and feel a warm pressure burning in your chest (you also try to ignore the fact that Sebastian Smythe in the flash might have hit on you and you just ditched him).

“You sound like you’d want to be my boyfriend.” You joke and she laughs, her thumb brushing on the back of your hand gently.

“You know I’d want to.” She confirms. “Just … if you go, don’t take any drink from anybody you don’t know. Actually, just don’t drink anymore. You’ve already had enough.”

You roll your eyes, smiling and considering her idea.

It isn’t that bad. 

You’re not going to make such a fuss about it and just honestly enjoy a little fun maybe. Just dancing, no sex. (And of course you’re going to have at least one drink more, c’mon, you’re not a baby and you know your safety standards.)

“Just go.” Rachel tells you and she finally leaves your hand. “I’ll cover up for you. Just be sure you’re back in time for the cake or Mercedes is going to kill you.”

You grin but you’re already standing up.

As soon as your legs are completely stretched, you feel a new unknown wave of excitement running through your body. This is so rebel of you, to go dancing and flirting with guys while being drunk on your best friend’s wedding. Fuck, you feel cool. And it’s actually so unusual to feel cool lately.

You don’t even look back at Rachel as you walk by; you just wave at her.

It takes you five minutes or so to find the entrance to disco. You actually just follow the music as it pumps strong and high.

There’s a bouncer on the frame but you’re so smart to sneak in when a lovely couple enters in, pretending to be all confident and friendly with them and leaving them as soon as you’re in. The place is quite huge and the crowd is already a dancing mess, so you suppose this has been going for two hours at least already.

You shrug to yourself and make space between bodies pressed together, trying to find a free spot you can show off some of yourself in. 

For a few minutes you don’t manage to find any air, you just swing between hot bodies, involuntarily touching and brushing skins and more. You casually end up between two guys – maybe boyfriends or just friends being stupid, you have no idea – and you feel like you’re in a middle of a sandwich with them being too drunk and welcoming to let you go. Instead, you find your hips pressed against the ones of the blonde guy in front of you, the alcohol in your system practically setting on fire your libido and making you want to touch them even if you have no idea who they are.

Two hands rest firmly on your hips from behind and you lean back into the touch, your ass pressing back to meet the fluttering firm line of a boner against your cheeks. You blush and close your eyes, leaning your back on the boy’s chest as he tries to guide your waist to the music, but you’re stopped listening to it. You actually have no idea about which song is playing. 

Your hands fly up to other guy’s chest and you just slightly tug his shirt to yourself, like you’re not sure you’ve actually got what this is going to. Maybe it’s just dancing, so you don’t really feel like pushing it. 

“Jason!” You hear a voice calling out but you have no idea why you should care.

You push your hips back, trying to make it look as casual as you can, feeling the boy behind you getting harder and harder in his pants as you start rocking together. The boy in front of you bends slightly until he’s leaning on your neck and you’re like fuck yes, give it to me, when he’s being pulled back abruptly, your suffering moan of displeasure making it clear just how far you wish this would go.

“Jason!” You open your eyes to looks at the girl who’s scolding him, but the guy behind you leans over to kiss your neck in his place.

“Don’t mind them.” He whispers lowly and pleasant in your ear, making his soft voice audible over the music. “Dance with me.”

You barely have the time to get curious about “Jason” and this girl, because the other guy makes you spin easily with his hands. Your head spins too, your sight getting blurred for a few seconds before your chest collapses against his. And just then you realize that you’re already hard, pressing your length against his in the smooth material of your suit. Also, the fact that these guys are wearing suit in a disco too makes you think that this is sort of a wedding too. You really hope it wasn’t the girl and Jason’s because you don’t really want to feel like the guy who has an affair with the groom.

So you just dance, following this other guy’s instructions until you’re growing hard and bigger in your pants. When he rolls back into you, his mouth sliding back on your neck, sucking softly and licking needy, you moan at the pleasant friction between your bodies and shift your eyes closed. 

For a few moments, you just feel.

You feel the warm bodies around you.

You feel the crowd pressing together.

You feel you heart hammer in your chest in excitement.

What if you do enjoy a little sex in the backroom?

It won’t do you bad, you know, everybody does that.

It’s going to be easier than you had imagined when Sebastian has suggested the idea because now you don’t even know the guy’s name. It’s going to be like fucking a body without a face and it’s all you need right now. 

However, all your plans get lost when you turn your face and you’re moving to get the boy’s mouth. Your lips almost touch his when you’re being pulled off by a hand firmly gripping at your suit and making your body whimper at the lack of warmth when your bodies aren’t rocking together anymore.

You barely have the time to yell or tell the guy to get you back against him because someone is still pulling you far into the crowd, until you lose your prey. Woah, prey. Now that’s a word Kurt Hummel had never used like this before tonight. Prey is part of your high school geography vocabulary.

When the grip on your back finally eases, you turn angrily at who’s been pulling you.

Your face goes from angry to surprised to annoyed when you see Sebastian standing in front of you.

“You just really enjoy ruining my life, don’t you?” You ask and wince but eventually freeze when Sebastian puts his hands on your hips.

His fingers are long and slide perfectly under the material of your jacket, sinking between it and your shirt until he’s pulling you closer. You want to fight it but you’re weak and wanting now, and when your bodies press together, your cheeks blush redder than fire as your cock shifts barely against Sebastian thigh. This is why you wanted a stranger. The bare idea of Sebastian knowing that you got hard by dancing with another guy makes you embarrassed and uncomfortable. 

“Dance with me.” Sebastian whispers in your ear though, the phantom of his mouth on it, his chest almost pressed into yours, and your heart is beating fast again, the ease running through you again and make you just want to rub off on his thigh until you’re coming shamelessly in front of everybody.

You consider fighting back just for a rational tiny second, but then you feel the warm pressure of his body and just let it go. Your cheek presses lazily on his shoulder but your body looks nothing like idle. Indeed, it just moves following the movement of Sebastian’s hands as he makes your hips rock, but as soon as you manage to find a steady rhythm, you just do it yourself, until you’re gridding your dick against his thigh firmly and constantly.

The friction makes you gulp and bite your lower lip, and somehow it’s calmer and better than the messy rolling with the two guys before. Sebastian is confident and natural – and sober, just pulling you closer until your face is on his shoulder completely and you bend on your toes to nuzzle at his jaw. You have no idea whether Sebastian will think this is hot or just stupid of you. You also expect him to make some joke about how much of a silly romantic prude you are even now, but you can’t bring yourself to care this much.

If it doesn’t matter who it is, than it can be Sebastian too.

Even if you’re embarrassed at sharing this closeness with him, you know it won’t probably mean anything in the morning.

“You’re tensed.” Sebastian whispers lowly, warming the frame of your ear with his breath and when he pushes back, you close your eyes in pleasure, enjoying both the motion and the fact that you can feel him growing against you.

It feels so good, the fact that you finally feel like you can turn someone on again, that you’re not that bad.

“I’m sad,” comes out of your mouth before you can keep it.

You hope with all of yourself that Sebastian couldn’t hear you over the sound of music, but you can’t be that lucky, of course.

“Why are you sad then?” He asks and you feel a new tickling sensation on the skin of your chest when he bends over and nuzzles at your jaw just like you did with him. “I mean, you totally have the reasons for it, considering that you’re wearing a light blue shirt …” He sniggers softly in your ear, and you didn’t remember Sebastian’s voice was so hoarse. 

It’s hot.

He’s hot.

“Just … dance.” You murmur softly but he catches it again and grabs your hand.

He makes you spin, you have no idea why. You get it a few seconds later when your back gets slowly and gently pressed against a wall and Sebastian is guiding your hands towards his chest. You take a minute to lift your gaze and look into his eyes: even though the lights are flashing your sight, you can perfectly see his blown pupils with the way he’s gazing at you hungrily.

You hate Sebastian Smythe, but he’s making you feel wanted. It’s such a good sensation that you can’t help but sympathize with him though everything that’s happened between the two of you in the past. You sort of feel pathetic, but you are inevitably grateful to him in a sick strange way.

You follow his silent order, pressing your hands onto his firm chest as your start working on the first two buttons of his shirt. You want to bite his skin, angrily, like you’ve never bitten anybody. Your fingertips accidently brush against Sebastian’s collarbone in the process and wow, his skin is so hot now, it seems like it’s on fire under your touch.

You breathe slowly and then you’re leaning your neck until you reach for his mouth but he tilts his head back so you don’t manage to kiss him. It’s not like you wanted to kiss Sebastian, it’s all about the kiss himself, your wanting desire to press your mouth against someone’s again. However he’s looking at you like you did something wrong but at the same time he can’t help but laugh about it.

“How much did you drink?” He asks, smirking and you shrug or maybe not, you just don’t know what your body is doing anymore.

“Not that much.” You say. “Does my breath smell awful?” You ask, wrinkling your nose and mouth and looking at him awkwardly, your cheeks burning even more in embarrassment.

“No, well, not that much.” He answers and presses gently his hips again you until you’re melting against the wall and you can feel his erection slide against your crotch. “But you must be pretty blown if you want to kiss me.”

You laugh back, an exciting sensation of freedom, happiness and rebellion invading you, as you finally decide to let it go. You haven’t met Sebastian in years, so whatever happens is safe and won’t be hurtful because you’re not going to meet him again.

For a reasonable Kurt Hummel the thought would be terribly sad and wrong, but drunk Kurt Hummel seems to enjoy it so much that Sebastian’s smirk is painting back on your own lips and you’re mirroring his expression on your own face.

“Maybe you’re afraid to kiss me.” You snap, provocation sparkling in every shade and glow of your eyes. 

Sebastian laughs and brushes seductively your hips with his fingertips.

“Why would I?” He asks, his chest pressing now against yours.

You tilt your head over his shoulder, lifting on your toes until your mouth is almost pasted against Sebastian’s ear as you experimentally move your arms to wrap them around his neck.

“You’re scared that you might come back to me tomorrow …” You whisper and even though you blush at yourself for being so risky and silly – and maybe also a little arrogant – the words have come out perfectly straight from your mouth, no hesitation.

Sebastian gasps into your hold surprisingly, but it just lasts for a second before he’s smirking again.

“You don’t know me, Kurt. You have no idea what I do in the morning after …” He tells you and you bite your lower lip nervously, because you won’t buy that Sebastian is the kind of guy that stays over and gets you breakfast in the morning.

You’re not that stupid, not even tonight, not even as Sebastian he’s raising his fingers to unbutton your suit and part the limbs. He’s stripping you. Now you’ve got to get real, because Sebastian Smythe is stripping you in the middle of a dance floor.

“W-what are you doing?” You ask immediately, forgetting about anything you were about to say before.

“You must be hot.” He says as he looks at your shirt and brushes his knuckles on your covered abdomen. You’ve been sweating for a while now, so the material is clenched unpleasantly against your skin, making you almost naked, and if you were sober, you’d think it’s gross. But you’re drunk and you feel both sexy and embarrassed. “I mean, you clearly are hot.” Sebastian jokes.

“It’s hot in here.” You say and shrug but your legs are shaking and you have no idea why the hell you feel like a virgin about to have sex for the first time while you’re thinking that you just want to strip Sebastian too.

You thought it would sound weirder in your mind that it actually doesn’t.

“So, do you want me to take you somewhere?” Sebastian asks and you clearly know where this is going. He’s really subtle, seriously, but you can’t bring yourself to care. You just want to drop on your knees and wrap your mouth around his cock. You don’t care about it being just sex. It’s just what it is supposed to be.

“Yeah …” You’re not even hiding it or trying to make up an excuse. You’re about to point to the bathrooms, but he surprises you.

“I’ve got a room.” He says and you wince, even though your hips still move against his own, your dick throbbing in your briefs with nothing but desire to get freed.

“Why is that?” You ask.

“Less talking, more fucking.” Sebastian replies, stepping back from you and grabbing your hand. His hold is tight, comfortable. His palm his actually enjoyable against yours in ways it shouldn’t be. 

He starts pulling you away fast, so much you almost stumble but you don’t care about this either. You just want him to take you somewhere – his room – have hot mind-blowing sex and then leaving him alone before he can leave you. Maybe it’s mean, but you’ve been hurt, and even though hurting someone else want make you feel better, at least you’ll know what it is like to be on the other side of the battle for once. Actually, Sebastian doesn’t even care about what you do after probably, so there’s not a real chance you’ll hurt him.

You get out of the disco quickly, but when you reach for the first floor and then the elevator, you freeze for a second as you stare at the clock. It’s 00:20 am already.

Sebastian tugs at your hand again but you just sigh and turn slowly towards him. He’s looking at you confusedly and – you don’t want to think that but he looks like it – afraid that you might have changed your mind. You haven’t. You still want to go upstairs with him, but you can’t. A voice that sounds suspiciously as Rachel is scolding you in the back of your head.

“I can’t.” You say weakly. “Mercedes and Mike are married now and if I’m not there for the cake, they’re going to hate me for the last of our lives.”

Especially if they find out I was hooking-up with you in the meanwhile, you think but you don’t add it.

Sebastian rolls his eyes but at the same time he seems to agree. 

“What about you eat your cake, I’m leaving the keys under the carpet of my room and then you just come up and let me fuck you?” He asks, lowly but nonchalantly.

You’re really thankful to him right now. You need this. You need tonight.

“Yeah, guess it’ll be okay.” You say, not even worrying about the fact that Rachel is going to ask you where you’re going while everyone will be leaving. Also, you’re not going to let Sebastian fuck you, you don’t trust him. But you’re not going to tell him now how things are going to be. “I’m sorry, I-”

“Cover that.” Sebastian winks at you and puts his hands in his pocket. “You don’t want your friends to notice your boner.”

You flush but before you can snap back Sebastian is already walking to the elevator. It’s weird because you’ve never let Sebastian have the last word while talking to you. It’s even weirder that you and Sebastian have some story like this to share.

“Room 69. I’m sure you appreciate the irony of it.” He tells you and then pushes the button.

You don’t ask or say anything more and you just turn around, finally walking back into the restaurant room a few seconds later. As you expected, Rachel is waiting for you with her arms crossed to her chest, but as soon as she opens her mouth to speak, you shut her up.

“Great dancing, thanks for the idea.” You tell her and when Rachel seems to remember it was her idea, her strict face softens.

“At least you’re back in time.” She says and you stand beside her and just smile.

You hope this won’t take long because your dick is throbbing in your pants, sending shivers through your spine as your mind starts imagining what’s going to happen later. 

/

When everybody is raising their glasses of champagne in the air and Rachel is giggling loudly and less sober than she was before, singing Here’s To Us to the air, you just step back from Quinn and Puck’s hug, disappearing in the middle of them. 

It’s now or never. 

You walk stumbling through the room until you reach the elevator in the corridor. Now that you can hear the laughs from your friends and see the buttons lightening at the different floors, your heart is beating fast again. Upstairs, Sebastian Smythe is waiting for you with an expectation of sex and you don’t know how good you’re going to be. You haven’t had sex in while and you might be delusional and … no, that’s not what you’re supposed to think.

It’s going to be amazing and even if it’s not, you won’t care: this is not about Sebastian getting his slut of the day, this about you reaching your orgasm, coming after a good fuck and then leaving. That’s it. If it’s good for Sebastian, it’s not your problem. It’s just so natural for you to wonder about if other people agree that you’ve stopped thinking about what you want firstly.

It’s not going to happen tonight.

You enter the elevator and doors luckily close just when you were catching Rachel probably searching for you. You sigh to yourself and wait for the elevator to get to the 2nd floor where you thought the room might be, considering how large and long these corridors are.

When the doors open and you’re practically standing in front of room 69 while still being in the elevator, you blink slowly. Everything seems so unreal tonight and you don’t know if it is because of your inhibitions or because of the alcohol – the last two glasses of champagne you’ve added to long list of poison you’ve been drinking tonight aren’t really helpful.

You step out of the elevator, thinking about knocking on the door for a few seconds before you’re bending to the floor. You push the little carpet aside and take the little golden key between your fingers, lifting it up before your eyes and sighing as you lower your gaze to the door lock.

This is it.

The moment you step inside this room, you’re going to have sex.

Finally.

There’s nothing to worry about, it’s going to be great, eventually fast and funny – with all the banter that sex between you and Sebastian is supposed to have. Not that you’ve ever thought about having sex with Sebastian, of course.

You put the key in the lock, flicking it and lowering the door handle with the other hand. The door slowly opens, revealing Sebastian’s room. 

You enter in but you don’t see him so you just close the door behind your back before someone can see you and step inside, low steps as you look around. There’s a huge bed and the room is all perfectly clean and fresh, light colors and elegant furniture. You gasp as you think that whenever Sebastian is – he must be here, otherwise he wouldn’t have left you his keys -, he’s going to walk into you soon and you finally will get your hands on him.

You’ve been thinking about this when you were downstairs, picturing your light soft skin pressed against the naked hot and darker body of Sebastian. The thought sends shivers through your spine immediately. God, you want him so bad now, more than your pride should actually allow you to.

You let yourself sit on the bed – if it weren’t for the drinks and champagne you would still be kind and polite and wouldn’t there sitting on someone else’s bed without permission – and then you sink down immediately, your back hitting the mattress.

You lift your gaze at ceiling and just think about where this is going to take you to. Maybe you shouldn’t, you should just enjoy it. Sebastian will surely know how to work you up. You hate to admit it, but now that you’ve tried it on your skin, you know that he’s very good with his hands. Just a brush and he sets the world on fire.

“Somebody looks comfortable.”

Sebastian’s voice makes you startle and you lift up immediately, with your elbows on the mattress and your back arched so that you can look at him.

When you do though, you find yourself with your mouth wide open in disbelief for the wonder before your eyes.

Sebastian is standing at the door frame in front of you – you suppose that’s the bathroom behind him – in nothing but a tiny towel covering his waist. His torso is now completely exposed before your eyes and you’re practically drooling over it. It’s muscled and skinny, covered in gorgeous freckles that manage to make him look even hotter and you’ve actually forgotten all the reasons why you hate this guy. There’s a shining line on his chest, maybe he’s still wet from a shower and you think so as you stare at his hard nipples that just make you want to suck on them. 

Your eyes fall awkwardly where Sebastian’s towel is barely hanging, unable to cover completely the still soft bulge between his legs. 

You realize you’ve been practically staring with your mouth wide open for a whole minute; plus, you’ve just forgotten whatever Sebastian had asked you and well, you can’t blame yourself since you’ve got his gorgeous wet naked body right here, so close that your fingers are tickling to touch and feel and squeeze.

“So comfortable I’m guessing you fell asleep.” He mocks you and you’re not going to allow that now.

Thanks the alcohol for the way you’re shifting confidently on the mattress until you’re back sitting.

“Come here.” You whisper as an order, your voice harsh, strong and firm as you wouldn’t have expected it to sound.

You see Sebastian swallow, but he doesn’t move from the door frame yet.

“Bossy, I like that.” He chuckles, hoarse and dirty and now you really want to kiss him and feel wanted again.

You stand up.

You move faster than you would think, unable to control your legs from carrying you towards Sebastian until you reach for him and press him back, making him walk backwards into the bathroom. You keep stalking fast until Sebastian’s back hits the wall and then you’re on your toes again to catch his mouth into a needy kiss, with Sebastian already lifting his hands to wrap his fingers around your hips. It’s good. Even when your precious Armani suit gets pressed against the wetness of his chest, you just taste his mouth, chastity making the kiss just a simple exploration for what’s coming.

As soon as Sebastian parts his lips and it’s not just brushing, you catch his lower lip between your own, moaning proudly when the touch makes Sebastian’s hips jerk towards you. Then you can already feel him growing harder and bigger against you and the sensation sends a flame into your body, want clearly making you lose any type of control you thought you had on the situation.

Your hand slides upwards until your fingers press between the back of Sebastian’s neck and the wall, a throb between your legs making your tilt your head to find a deeper contact between your mouths. As soon as you find it, Sebastian flicks his tongue to meet yours, tips brushing together so good you want to scream already.

When his hands wander fast on your thigh to move over as he grabs your ass cheeks, you give an experimental thrust, your half-hard cock pressing against his bare skin and making you roll your eyes back in pleasure.

You want more.

You need more.

Sebastian must think the same because as soon as you press the full length of your tongue into his mouth, he grabs your ass and lifts you from the pavement until your feet can’t touch the ground. You don’t complain and you just keep on kissing him hard and wet and hot as he walks you around the room, your legs wrapped around his waist. 

Before you can realize it, Sebastian drops you on the mattress and you immediately lack the contact so you arch forward just right as he’s putting his knees on the bed to circle your thighs. You immediately reach your goal, sitting and wrapping your lips around his right nipple, starting to suck it into your mouth while you kick your expensive shoes away.

Sebastian’s taste is awesome.

His skin’s flavor is fresh and probably something like chocolate shower gel, so good it makes you want to taste him for hours. Then you wonder … if it’s his shower gel, maybe he could taste like chocolate there too. Suddenly, the idea of sucking Sebastian’s dick sounds even more perfect.

You press your hands on his chest, pushing him back, but Sebastian is just wrapping his long – very long – fingers around the back of your neck, pressing you into the touch until all you can do is licking and sucking and biting the sensible skin of his nipple, soothing the soft bruises with your tongue. Your hands fly over his body, arms stretching and wrapping around Sebastian’s waist until you reach for his ass and give it an explorative squeeze.

For a second there’s a clutching sense of guilt in your guts.

You almost feel like you’re giving yourself away to someone who doesn’t deserve you just because you feel need to not be the only one who’s sleeping alone tonight. It makes you sick and frustrated but then Sebastian is starting to pull the jacket of your suit away and all you can think of is two hot naked bodies pressed together on the bed in the wetness of his skin. 

It’s like Sebastian is just light and perfectly knows how to push your worries away.

“Mph … Seb-” You pull yourself away from his nipple but as soon as you try to speak, Sebastian tilts your head back and arches to press a hungry kiss onto your mouth, making it sound like a nickname instead. You’re surprised that it sounds quite needy too, when you actually wanted to say Sebastian, I don’t know if I can do this. It’s probably the fact that he’s stripping you that has convinced you enough to make you subconsciously moan instead of denying access to his fingers and his mouth and every single part of his body.

You’re giving up.

You’re giving up because sexual desire is the only positive sensation you’ve been feeling lately.

The scares of your soul are unbearable, but at least Sebastian is giving you the chance to heal the wounds of your body.

You let your tongue slide into his mouth again, moaning and arching at the amazing angle as you can feel your eyes watering almost when your dick presses accidently against Sebastian’s thigh. Sebastian must hear you because he pulls your jacket away and then pushes with his hand on your chest until your back hits the mattress. 

You look upside-down at your jacket, worried that the precious napkin is still there, but you don’t manage to look for real because Sebastian’s fingers are shifting on your shirt, working on the first button. When you look up, he’s gazing right into your eyes and his blown dark eyes make your dick throb, you’re just filled with sex.

You go down with your own hands and while Sebastian unbuttons your shirt, you’re taking care of your pants, pulling the zipper down and exposing the dark wet patch on your purple briefs, the head of your dick leaking pre-come. When Sebastian is done, he parts the sides of your shirt and you freeze under his gaze.

He’s now looking at you with eager, his eyes widen in a way you wouldn’t believe possible for Sebastian Smythe, like he’s not the kind of guy one surprises easily.

“Fucking hell, you sure have grown up fast, Hummel.” He comments, looking spontaneously like he wasn’t expecting this as he traces the lines of your abdomen with the tips of his fingers. “Look at you …”

You feel appreciated and you immediately understand that this is something Sebastian must do to make his partner feel sure about himself so that he’s surer in sex too.

It’s surely working on you because you lift and grab the towel around his waist, your fingers tightening around it and your eyes looking into his.

“You’re not bad yourself.” You smirk and Sebastian laughs lowly.

“I’m perfect.” He says, but he doesn’t sound as smug as usually.

Maybe being naked does make him feel vulnerable somehow. You two have been enemies, so he’s probably feeling exposed too.

“You’re not.” You say and your heart is exploding again while you search for the right dose of courage. One tug and Sebastian will be completely naked. It’s inevitable. “But your looks make it for half of your attitude. Being an asshole as you are, at least one would expect you to be good looking and to have a nice body.”

“Hmm …” Sebastian murmurs and then he lowers towards you.

His mouth nips gently at your neck, wet and hot, and even while he starts kissing and settling over your body, your hands don’t stop keeping his towel. 

And you finally do it.

When Sebastian’s mouth shifts and presses on your jaw, and you feel another unpleasant throb between your legs, you pull it away. It’s on the bed now and you put your hands on his chest. Sebastian lifts his face from your neck.

You look into his eyes.

Sebastian looks into yours.

You’re so linked right now you can feel the fire between your bodies as your legs are intertwined. Something is exploding inside you and you suddenly feel like having sex with Sebastian was the best choice of your life. 

“I want to see you …” You whisper, feeling your cheeks flushed and red. They must be, because if Sebastian’s face is red, yours must be redder.

“Hmm … you are seeing me …” He smirks and leans softly, his mouth brushing yours, playing with it.

“Get off me.” You say enjoying the way Sebastian rolls his eyes when you order with such strict voice.

“Kurt.” He moans as he rolls his hips experimentally. 

His naked long dick slides against your covered erection and then you find the strength and the courage. It’s probably the liquor too.

You press your hands on his chest once more and roll your bodies over, Sebastian’s back hitting the mattress. You have your hands firmly wrapped around his wrists and you keep him there, frozen, as your eyes wander down his body until you finally see it. 

Sebastian is long, thick and hard, flushed and pulsing, and there’s just a short stripe of hair there, that goes from his navel down, tempting and nasty just like Sebastian is.

It’s gorgeous. 

You lift your gaze and look into his eyes, your self-esteem exploding when you see them wet and blown with need. Sebastian wants you. This is not just the fun for one night, it’s want and it makes you wonder if Sebastian has ever wanted you before.

“Wanna suck you.” You say, alcohol and over self-confidence making you feel like you could do anything you’ve never done before. 

“Suck me.” Sebastian whispers back and you love that, now that he is bent on the bed, he sounds pleading. You almost thought he was an aggressive bitch in bed too. Instead he’s being deliciously passive and needy.

Just what you need.

Fucking someone who takes it like he was born to take it.

You barely roll over, you just move a little aside and put yourself on hands and knees, so excited to taste him now that you can’t control it. You lift your hand to bring it to your mouth and then you lick your palm, trying not to show that to Sebastian too much, because the thought of him seeing you doing stuff like that makes you blush – you know it’s stupid, you’re about to have sex, but being dirty was never a part of you and now it’s just exploding so much that you can’t control it. 

When your hand feels wet enough, you wrap it around Sebastian’s cock, closing your eyes pleasantly for a moment as your feel the shape of it between your fingers. It fills your hand just well and that’s just amazing, even though you’re planning to make good use of Sebastian’s ass instead. Sebastian jerks into your hand immediately and the way he does it fills your whole system with self-confidence.

He doesn’t say anything and you weren’t expecting him to. Sebastian is still proud, no matter what. And you won’t admit it but you like this about him, the fact that he’s being himself even while you’re leaning your neck towards his skin and pumping his dick slowly into your hand. It’s still Kurt and Sebastian, the way you usually are. And well, it turns you on for some reasons. You can feel your own cock throbbing into your pants at the ridiculous thought that you and Sebastian are about to have sex. Sebastian of all people.

You don’t wait any further. You shut your eyes halfway down and poke your tongue out. When you lick the head of Sebastian’s dick just slightly, Sebastian stiffens under your body, moaning and breathing out slowly. Then you lick some more, pressing the surface of your tongue on the head harder, closing your eyes completely. 

“Kurt …” Sebastian pleads and you grin for a moment, licking with just the tip of your tongue because wow, he wants you to do this so bad and it’s so flattering.

When it gets too tough for you to hold it, your wrap your mouth around him, moaning just a little at the taste of skin and man that fills your mouth, making you whimper for more. You don’t hesitate any longer and just work on him, sucking and licking and just taking Sebastian every time he thrusts his hips upwards to meet the movement. When he moves a hand to pull it through your hair, you suspect he wants to fuck your mouth, but he doesn’t. He pats you instead, like he wants to make you feel comfortable. That’s sweet. Awkward, but sweet.

You sink down, taking his whole length into your mouth, almost as if you’d want to thank him for been so attentive. When the head of his cock hits the back of your throat, your eyes are already wet but you won’t stop now.

Sebastian’s hands move away and he manages somehow to grab your left hip. With your unbuttoned pants still on, you move to follow his orders until you manage to flip a leg over his head and you find yourself laid on him, upside down. You had to trail your mouth back for a moment, but as soon as you welcome Sebastian inside you again, you feel like the position is more comfortable to you. You bob around him, feeling already full and amazing, but Sebastian finds a way to make it even better. His hands slide on your hips and then he lifts slightly from the mattress to press a kiss along the line of your dick, still covered in boxers. It makes you throb and Sebastian must notice because he explores even better. In a moment you can feel the whole wetness of his tongue slide insistently along your length. 

You moan pleasantly on his skin and Sebastian thrusts his hips up again, one steady movement to push into your mouth. You move your waist downward on instincts, but then you remember that you’re still dressed and all of a sudden, sucking Sebastian doesn’t seem like a good plan anymore.

You move away with a pop and trail your head back, smiling a little when Sebastian groans unpleasantly at the lack of touch right there when he needs it. For a moment, you just look down between his legs. His length looks more swollen and flushed, so you think you must have done a good job. You’re grinning again and that feels good, just playing in bed with someone like you’re doing now.

“Why did you stop?” Sebastian asks, his voice sounding as hoarse as pleading.

You get off of his body, with your knees now on the mattress beside him and you starts pulling your pants off. You look up for a moment as you do and you love it that Sebastian is staring along your whole body, worshipping it with his eyes, which is amazing. If even a boy that hated you before is now drooling over you, then you must be at least a little hot. 

“Want to fuck you.” You murmur happily and pull your pants off, looking down at where you’re uncovering your legs, exposing your pale skin. You blush a little at the words, but smirk at the idea of it. 

“Shit,” Sebastian must agree with you, because he stands from his position and you try so hard not to stare at the way his cock is bobbing at the movement. When you look up, Sebastian has already reached you and put his hands on your hips to press you in closer as he kisses your mouth.

Something about this feels different.

You would have thought that Sebastian was the kind of guy who kissed roughly in and out of bed, but right now, as his mouth moves smoothly and sweetly on yours, you feel amazing. It’s like all of your body is twitching with the idea of just fucking him while the other half manages somehow to sense an awkward connection. So even though you’re anxious to get inside him, right now you feel like kissing is weirdly okay. It wasn’t a moment ago, wasn’t enough; and now it is. You don’t even know if this actually makes sense.

You let Sebastian’s tongue slide inside your mouth and you groan happily at the taste of his own, just a pinch of alcohol in it. You let him do this for several minutes, moving your hands to touch him only when Sebastian’s hips jerk forward and against yours, like he’s making you understand that he feels completely at ease. You have no idea why you care about that now, but you want him to feel comfortable.

So you grab his waist, pushing a little with your own body until Sebastian is slowly lying back again. Now it seems softer, after this small and curious exchange. It seems less of a lame hook-up to you, which feels good. 

You don’t know whether that is okay or it scares but you can feel some connection in this; or it’s maybe the fact that Sebastian is going to let you in so easily, like he almost trusts you (though you actually know that it could be due to the fact that sex is not a big deal to Sebastian apparently). 

So you lie on him and kiss his mouth once more, no tongue, just lips sucking and awkwardly never-sloppy pressures, as you stretch your arm over the bed to reach for your jacket. Sebastian is too busy with kissing to notice, so you let your hand slide in the side pocket, hoping that it’s still there.

And it is.

You don’t want to remember the reason why you’ve got a little bag of lube and a condom, because it is quite lame if you call it back. Instead of pondering, you leave the condom on the mattress and take the plastic bag, bringing it to your mouth as you break the kiss.

Sebastian winces for a moment but then he looks at where you putting the bag between your teeth to open it. He seems surprised and you can’t blame him.

Who would have told Kurt Hummel walked around with lube and condoms? 

The first time you found yourself having them with you, it was a surprise to yourself even.

“Came prepared?” Sebastian asks, lifting an eyebrow like he’s suddenly doubtful.

“No,” you say anyway, after your teeth scratched the plastic open, having no idea why you want to reassure him now, “accidentally left them there more than one week ago.”

It seems to be enough to leave Sebastian sure, so you just pull the condom out and flip your fingertips under the ring at the base. Before you have the time to actually roll it on you, Sebastian reaches out and does it for you until the material stretches perfectly around you. By that time, you’re just staring down at the way Sebastian is slowly jerking you, wrist rolling and eyes darting there. You can’t take this foreplay anymore. It’s already been too long.

You move a little awkwardly until Sebastian has got his hands off of you and then you climb over his body, shifting until you’re suspended on him backwards, your crotch over Sebastian’s face and your face over his crotch. From Sebastian’s little hum of surprise and confusion, he probably has no idea what you are doing. But you have it and well, the thought is already making you even rock harder.

You dick must twitch or something, because Sebastian’s next hum is a little happier and a moment later his mouth is suddenly wrapped around your balls, sucking here and there and kissing needy. You love this, love having Sebastian this submitted to you, love having control and from this position, it’s all up to you now. You lean a little forward until you manage to spread Sebastian’s cheeks, one hand on the left one, and then you’re bring your right hand to your mouth, starting to suck on your fingers to wet them.

Sebastian’s mouth is working on every inch of the skin between your legs and when you move your hand to press the two fingers between his cheeks, just the tips pushing to enter the ring of muscles, Sebastian wraps his own fingers around you and starts jerking you off. You moan loudly, knowing that this is just so that you want lose your arousal, but at the same time, you two have been playing all night and now you’re afraid that one touch would be enough to make you come. 

“Slower,” you murmur, feeling your cheeks on fire and regretting that you put the condom on already. You could have had some mouth play before you did, who says you can’t enjoy more than one round.

Sebastian sniggers, “Are you going to come already, princess?”

You push your hips downward just a little, but Sebastian isn’t intimidated at all. He licks a stripe somewhere along you skin and you bite your lower lip not to moan.

“If you go slowly, I won’t,” You murmur and push your fingers inside just a little, Sebastian’s body jolting at the invasion, “and if I came though, it would only be your loss. You’re not in the perfect position to be a jerk, you know.”

You twitch your fingers just a little, enjoying Sebastian’s low little whimpers. He’s cute, you think, when he is needy. You wouldn’t have thought he was the kind of guy who needs attentions in bed.

“Pretty sure I’m in the best position to jerk,” he jokes and he pumps you slowly and then you start finger-fucking him at the same pace.

“You are unbelievable,” you tease and laugh and although you won’t admit it, you feel wonderfully free and careless right now. And you didn’t even need to take your pills to feel like this. 

Sebastian moves just a little under you, leaning his neck to reach and kiss your ass cheek. 

“You have the most wonderful ass,” he whispers and you pull your fingers out of him, reaching for the little bottle of lube you had on the bed. “Too bad we’ve decided to play it this way around, I might be regretting it. Maybe.”

You laugh, having no idea why you want to use lube when you were already preparing him with your saliva. You feel like you want to make sure he’s prepped enough. “Maybe we can have another round later, if you behave.”

“Hmm, I will.” Sebastian says and you’re surprised at the tone but don’t comment.

You spread lube over your fingers, trying not to give up to your curiosity of asking Sebastian why he is allowing this, why he is a little less challenging than usual. You press your fingers in again, this time smoothly, two of them, while Sebastian starts jerking you off again, slowly as you told him to. You lean over, kiss along his erection as you fuck him with your fingers, moaning more when Sebastian stretches perfectly around you. 

When he jolts his hips upwards and leaves them there suspended, giving you more space to push inside him, you add a third finger. By now, your mind is already drifting to when you’ll feel that pretty little hole clenching around your sex and Sebastian must seem to notice that if he keeps on doing this, you won’t last. It must be because you’re fucking yourself into the channel of his fist.

“I’m ready,” he says, sucking just briefly on your balls, “just fuck me already, Kurt.”

You move quickly because you couldn’t agree more, and in a moment, you’re already standing up from his body. You shift away from him clumsily, almost falling, and then you crawl ridiculously around the mattress. Sebastian laughs, but it sounds hoarse enough for you not to care. You position yourself between his legs, the mattress shaking just slightly under your knees. You wrap your fingers about your own dick and move in just a little to let it slide between Sebastian’s cheeks while you lift his leg with the other to give yourself more space. 

For a moment, you just look down at him.

Sebastian is gorgeous like this. His cheeks are a little blushed and his eyes shining with a dim glint. His torso is linear, sculptured and still a little thin, not too big. His skin is already sweated and for a moment, your heart gives an uncomfortable tickling sensation under your chest. You try to ignore it and with your eyes linked to Sebastian’s, you push in slowly, trying not to let them shut while the wonderful sensation of being swallowed by his body invades you.

For a moment, your mouth just drops and shapes like a ‘o’ because God, Sebastian feels good and he knows it from the smirk he’s now giving you. A shiver runs through your body, and then you slowly put his leg to rest on your shoulder and push in more until you’re balls-deep inside him. Sebastian rolls his eyes and closes them for a moment and then you trail back until you’re almost out completely.

You push in again, the feeling being so amazing that you hate the plastic that separates your bodies from being intimate in the biggest way possible.

Sebastian has got his eyes closed and you’re thankful for now because if he opened them he could probably see the struggle over your features. There’s a sudden flock of butterflies invading your stomach and you’re sure that this is due to the intimacy of this, the awkward moments, the smiles and the lightness. You bend yourself over his body and you fuck deeper into Sebastian, trying to push the feeling away.

When he senses the shift, Sebastian lets one hand slide until he is squeezing your cheeks, pushing you to go harder on him. You do and when you moan at the way Sebastian clenches more around you, he lifts his hand blindly and puts it on the back of your neck to tug you closer and kiss you with his mouth open. Your tongues slide together and he desperately tries to fuck back on your dick, but you know the position isn’t ideal.

So you think of something.

You kiss him once more and thrust inside him quickly and then you’re pushing out of him, lifting completely on your knees again. Sebastian groans frustrated at the way he clenches around nothing and he whimpers, opening his eyes to look at you.

“Go back there,” He growls and you tilt an eyebrow.

“Kind, aren’t you?” You ask, a little upset at his tone.

Sebastian must realize he was rude because he winces, “Just get back to where you were, why did you stop?”

“Want you to ride me,” you murmur so quietly that you’re not sure he heard it.

But he did and in fact, he stands up quickly and pushes his hands on your chest until you’re falling with your back to the mattress. You’re thankful that the bed is this big, because otherwise, you would have probably fallen. He climbs on you in a second and well, now that he’s the one in control, at least you can enjoy the sight of his body. It makes you want to lick all over him for hours. If it weren’t Sebastian, you would admit it, but you’re still proud enough to keep it and just stare while Sebastian grabs your dick and slowly impales himself on it, enjoying the way it’s stretching him again.

“Kurt,” He groans, his eyes newly closed as he slowly moves down and wraps every inch of you, “You feel good, so, so good …” He murmurs and you move your hands to his ass to squeeze it and rule his movements. Sebastian lets you do so; he just takes it and fucks himself on you.

His whimpers grow of intensity and you feel a little like passing out, letting your eyes go shut like his are and just enjoying his perfect little ass. When Sebastian clenches a little more tightly around you, a moment later, you lean your hand and wrap it around his dick, jerking him off until Sebastian is almost desperately crying. He lets go just a few moments later, coming all over your chest and making you tilt your head back as you stroke him through it. 

He doesn’t stop though. He keeps on riding you like he thinks it’s a shame for him that he didn’t make his partner come while his own sex is softening slowly.

You would laugh at the thought of it – Sebastian being embarrassed because he didn’t make you come – but that would be unkind.

So you lift your back from the bed, and when you open your eyes, Sebastian is looking at you all worried and still rolling his hips on you but not really fucking himself. You smile softly and he looks like he sees the jokes coming.

But you don’t mock him.

Instead, you move up again and he just follows the shift until he’s lying on the bed again.

Then you fuck slowly into him and start kissing his chest, his neck, while Sebastian keeps his own leg lifted for you to move. When you recollect salty sweat along his collarbone and he groans, one last clenching around you and one smooth movement until he pushes his tongue into your mouth instead, you give one hard thrust more and you’re coming. Your hips jolt but then move lazily until you’ve shot all your load inside the condom, and then you can let yourself collapse on him.

A few seconds go by in complete silence and then you’re both laughing softly, your bodies shaking one against another, and your chest feeling light when Sebastian wraps his around your lower back. Why do you feel so happy?

This is Sebastian.

Sebastian whom you hate. 

You shouldn’t feel like this. You should just feel satisfied.

“God, that was so lame,” Sebastian growls, still sniggering, “You’re going to throw this in my face forever, aren’t you?”

“That I could do,” You joke back and stiffen a little when Sebastian starts drawing invisible circles all over your back, “But I won’t because I’m good.” You say and you shift your hips back until you’re moving out of him, resting on the mattress in the space between Sebastian’s long legs instead.

Sebastian presses a kiss through your hair. It makes you stiffen even more, and maybe swallow.

“Wanna go to sleep?” Sebastian murmurs softly, his fingers still brushing your body. “You can actually stay here. We can both leave tomorrow. Maybe we might get a round two.”

You sigh and suddenly, every smile has been washed off of your face.

If you were sober about yourself and your own feelings, you’d be wondering about the reason why Sebastian might want you to stay; but you aren’t. You barely know what’s going on with you and the only thing you feel is a sudden little happiness that you can’t describe.

“My dad wouldn’t be happy if I spend the whole night out,” You sigh, “I’m sure he’s already going crazy because I disappeared after the cake.”

“Call him then,” Sebastian purrs and you lift your head to look into his eyes. He looks sincere and light, nothing to worry about you would say. 

“That doesn’t resolve the fact that he won’t like it.” You shrug a little. “He still thinks I’m his perfect little boy who wouldn’t give himself away for just one night.”

“One night until now.” Sebastian smirks.

You bite your lower lip. “Hmm?”

Sebastian looks thoughtful for a moment, like he didn’t consider the possibility of you being that insecure. Eventually, he shakes his head a little.

“I was just joking, babe.” He smiles, but it seems a little forced to you. “You really felt amazing, I could enjoy a few nights more.”

You press your lips together and move back your whole body, lifting on your hips as you work to roll off the condom. When you look to Sebastian again, he’s staring at your body, tracing long invisible lines that you can almost feel the gaze burn on your skin. But it couldn’t be more than that to Sebastian, could it? It’s not like you’re having prejudices now. When he introduced himself to you, he was pretty clear about 20 minutes relationships in gay bars.

“I can try and call my dad, but just because I like this bed.” You say and he gazes up to you, not even a little uncomfortable at having been caught. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning and … Sebastian?”

Sebastian nods and smirks.

“I think we should forget this happened after tomorrow.” You say directly and stare while his face drops a little and he swallows. So you try to make up for it, even though you don’t know why. “I mean, we shouldn’t feel uncomfortable around each other if we ever mean again or crap like that. I didn’t mean forgetting-forgetting. We’ll know always this happened, I meant … just don’t let it sink between us as people too much.”

Sebastian smiles more fully now and he nods, “Even though you explained yourself like shit, babe, I think I got it.”

You wince but grin and in a moment you’re both laughing. 

For some reason, you think you’re hardly going to forget how good this felt. You’re afraid that the memory of this amazing feeling that you’ve shared with the only person you could never get on for more than this might kill you. Many things tried to kill you already, but getting killed because you felt happy with Sebastian Smythe would be crazy.

/

The next time you get in touch with Sebastian it’s almost two months later. 

You haven’t heard from him since that morning (cuddling and kissing didn’t make it easy to let go) and you don’t even know where he is. You thought (because you thought about Sebastian during these two months) that maybe he attends some lame college in Lima, or maybe he was just there occasionally like you. You imagined that he goes to college – he is younger than you, you know that - or works in some place where someone can appreciate his witness. 

Sometimes, you would think of his body, of his surprisingly gentle ways of touching and loving in bed. Sometimes you would imagine he was less gentle and you would jerk off at the fantasies that came with it.

This morning sucks. 

Everything this week has been stressful and heavy at work and you barely remember the last time you smiled for more than five seconds. You already feel like you’re sinking again and you don’t want to come down to the pills again when you’ve done so much to avoid them. 

What you are doing in front of your laptop on the table of the kitchen is still related to your job and you casually have Facebook logged in, but you won’t pay attention to it.

“This coffee sucks,” Santana is complaining near the counter, behind your back, “I honestly have no idea why you let Rachel make it, she barely knows how to turn this thing on.”

You roll your eyes, but apart from that, you never look away from the collection you’re scrolling. You still have no idea why Santana comes to this place even though she now lives with Brittany. Or Rachel for the matter, now that you live in different apartments. 

“This just started as the worst day ever.” Santana is still growling as she walks around the kitchen. 

You don’t even pay attention to what she does.

And then you hear a sound from Facebook notifications. You open it, a little skeptical that someone might want to chat in the morning, and notice that it’s a message. Not a chat text, a message. You open it hesitantly – it wouldn’t be the first time that someone uses fake accounts to harass you anonymously.

But when you open it, your heart flips on itself and you spread your eyes because it’s him.

Sebastian Smythe: Are you going to accept my friend request sooner or later? I didn’t think I was that bad.

You swallow thickly and your heart stops for a few moments. Sebastian is your anchor. He is the only thing that made you feel good in the last months, but at the same time, you didn’t consider given it a chance because you thought he didn’t even want to see you again. How could you not notice a friend request? You scroll and search for it, but it’s not there. So you wince and finally type back.

Kurt Hummel: You didn’t send me one, you dummy.

You feel your chest tighten a little at the affectionate word. 

You hope you didn’t cross some lines. 

You don’t want him to run away now.

Sebastian Smythe: I did.

Kurt Hummel: You didn’t.

Sebastian Smythe: Shit.

You laugh softly because you can perfectly imagine Sebastian cursing lowly. It makes your heart clench and when you look away from the screen, Santana is gazing at you in almost shock. You must be really wrecked if your friends are shocked at you laughing.

“What is this about?” She asks, lifting her eyebrows. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” You say hurriedly, your smile already washing off of your face at the panic that someone might find out about your one night stand with Sebastian. “Nothing at all, I’m going to work now.”

Before you actually log out Facebook, you type another message and you’re the one who sends a friend request.

Kurt Hummel: Gotta go. Talk to you later?

Only when you’re all washed up and dressed up you actually realize that Sebastian wanted you to send him a friend request. He never sent one. When you’re walking out of your apartment, you’re smiling again at the thought that there are still some silly pride games going on between the two of you.

/

When you finally get a break at work to have lunch, you can’t resist. The morning has been stressful as always, and the first thing you want to do now is to smile. You know that if Sebastian is online, there’s a chance you might. Sebastian is dangerous somehow, he is like a human pill to you. So you brought your salad in your small office and you’re logging into Facebook again. When you find a notification that says that Sebastian accepted your friend request, you’re not too surprised. You’re actually surprised when you find a message.

Sebastian Smythe: Later is vain, it could be at every moment. Not that I care, I just want to know when I’ll be able to make fun of you as a stress relief activity. Sex with you was relieving too. Do you feel like doing that again? You said we would have switched off but you don’t keep your promises. Bad, Hummel, I thought you were a better person than that. 

Your stomach clenches. You have no idea whether Sebastian is serious about doing it again or not. What if he is? You would want so much to feel as good as you felt that night.

Kurt Hummel: We weren’t in touch, so I thought you didn’t care about switching off? I thought I had a gay face and stuff, so I didn’t think I was worth it a round two ;) But as it turns out …

You hope the words you’ve written hide your insecurities and you start opening your salad while Sebastian is typing, quite quick to reply. With the way your stomach is clenching, you’re not sure you’re going to eat. But you have to. You don’t want to end up like that ever again.

Sebastian Smythe: Worth it for your ass, not your gay face. And we were in touch. In the best way possible.

You laugh again and pop up the tap of your salad, leaving the plastic fork there for a moment to type a reply. You can’t believe you’re actually chatting while eating. It’s something you’ve always hated.

Kurt Hummel: No, we weren’t. Stop turning everything into an innuendo.

Sebastian Smythe: Only if you stop not laughing at my jokes. I hate that.

Kurt Hummel: Who says I’m not laughing?

As you write the last words, you are smiling hugely. Who would have said you’d needed Sebastian Smythe? 

/

The chatting goes on for several weeks.

It’s daily, it’s ordinary, it’s pleasant.

It becomes so usual that you start replying to Facebook conversations and texts by Sebastian (of course you have exchanged phone numbers) without even realizing, when you’re out with your friends. Sometimes, Sebastian would have these changes of moods. It happens all of a sudden and he becomes quite rude, but eventually, he always ends up apologizing. Well, not openly apologizing, because it’s still Sebastian, but saying something a little cuter to you that would make you feel better about it. 

You usually talk about your lives, your families and friends, songs and TV series. You thought it was going to be sexual, but it never is. Of course there’s a part of you that craves getting in bed with Sebastian again, but the way you tease each other while chatting is too good to let go. You thought there was going to be Skype sex or phone sex, but it doesn’t happen. Sometimes, Sebastian pops out with lame sexual jokes and innuendos; sometimes he compliments you about your skills, but it never goes further.

It’s one of these days of ordinary chatting when you’re sitting on the couch, laptop on this crotch and TV turned on but ignored, that the conversation takes a sudden twist.

Sebastian Smythe: So, what are you up to for Christmas?

You wince a little, just slightly, and type back. You have no idea. It would probably be just another occasion to be alone when your friends are in love and happy, and better off without you.

Kurt Hummel: I’m looking forward to ignoring you all holidays long :P.

It’s a lie. With the way you feel and are now, you can’t surely ignore people. You’re desperate for attentions from people at this point. 

Sebastian Smythe: You would miss me. The little secret masochistic side of you needs someone who makes fun of your person.

Kurt Hummel: Consider it a Christmas present that I’m going to let you believe I’d miss you.

Another lie. You know it is because by now, you would totally miss Sebastian if you wouldn’t chat during the holidays. But what Sebastian types next still surprises you.

Sebastian Smythe: Can I call you?

Your eyes go wide open.

You’ve already spoken once on the phone, but you’re not sure it’s the same thing. It was 2 am, Sebastian was drunk and he called you, murmuring stuff like “I need you”, “come here” and things you tried not to read too much into because you knew he wasn’t sober. He told you he was drunk around Scandals and you told him to call someone to pick him up. When Sebastian replied he had no idea who to call, you found yourself calling Tina and begging her to go and pick him up instead. You felt so lucky than Mike and she opened an art school in Lima, and even more that she was kind enough to do this for you. Sebastian sounded so drunk that you couldn’t help but being worried. You only went to sleep when Tina texted you she had driven him home safely. 

But this is completely different, having a conversation on the phone when none of you is drunk or something weird is happening.

You swallow thickly, considering what you are supposed to do.

You want so, so badly to hear Sebastian’s voice again, but at the same time, you have no idea why he wants to call you. What if it is something bad? Sebastian has no reason to shut you out now, but you’re so used to getting sad that you can already feel a shadow of disappointment washing all over you. That until you hear another sound coming from Facebook.

Sebastian Smythe: You’ve got 3 minutes to reply. I’m calling an ambulance and sending it to you place if you don’t. 

You laugh and feel your chest getting filled with spontaneous joy. That is probably the reason why you should talk to him.

Kurt Hummel: Why do you want to call me?

Sebastian Smythe: Need to ask you something.

Kurt Hummel: You can ask here.

Sebastian Smythe: Can I call you, Kurt?

For some reason, with all the nicknames you give each other, like nasty ones of course, it’s the Kurt that gets your attention. It makes it sound like Sebastian is a lot more serious, even though you have no idea whether this is positive or not. And yet, you’ve been left alone so many times that you’re now worried that you might regret not taking his call. 

You hesitate just a few seconds more before you type back.

Kurt Hummel: Fine. Call me, I’ll get it. 

As soon as he’s sent the message, you close the screen of your laptop, tossing it aside and grabbing the phone instead. You’re so afraid that waiting some more might mean changing your mind. You don’t want to change your mind. You want to hear Sebastian’s voice. The voice of the only person that managed to make you feel good lately. 

When the phone throbs in your hands, Lil’ Meerkat flashing the screen, you realize you’re already gone. 

Lil’ Meerkat. What was going through your head when you booked him as that?

Your thumb moves hesitantly along the screen and you let it slide until you get the call. You lift it and put it to your ear only to whisper a soft, shaking and embarrassed, “Hey.”

“Hey you.” Sebastian sounds more natural and incredibly at ease. You don’t if he is or he’s just a fine actor, but you think that you’re probably the only one being nervous. Why would Sebastian be that? You’re the one who saved his number with a sweet nickname on your phone. “Thought you would have never got it.”

“Why?” You ask instinctively.

Sebastian doesn’t reply.

“How are you today, princess?” He asks instead. “I hear the weather isn’t the best in New York right now.”

“Why would you care?” You ask, not whimpering when Sebastian laughs, not at all.

“I’m coming to New York for the holidays.”

Your heart stops.

So this is why he wanted to talk on the phone.

Sebastian. Is. Coming. To. New York.

“Oh, I …”

“Is it bad news?” He asks, but you can hear the smirk in his voice, so you grin stupidly.

“Worst news ever.” You tease. “Lucky me that I get to spend my holidays in Lima.”

For a moment, there’s only silence through the phone.

“What?!” Sebastian shrieks then, like he’s realizing what you’ve just said. “Oh shit, I can’t believe this happening-”

“You can stay in Lima if you wish to see me so badly,” you joke and he seems more hesitant when he speaks again.

“I don’t want to see you, but--” He cuts himself for a moment before he adds quietly, “But I’ve already bought the ticket …”

Bought the ticket.

Sebastian Smythe bought a ticket to come to New York for you. To see you even though he says he doesn’t want to see you.

“I was joking.” You say immediately, your heart racing the pace and feeling close to explode. “I mean, I don’t … I’m not going home for the holidays.”

“Seriously?” Sebastian sounds ridiculously excited but also curious. “I wasn’t planning to come to you, of course. My best friend is in New York and I thought we could, you know, switch off.”

You giggle, but then your smile drops all of a sudden. Of course. Sebastian has a friend in New York, it’s not like he is coming here to see you. It’s just occasional. He’s coming to see his friend and maybe have sex with you. 

So you were right.

This is everything you’re ever going to be to him. Just sex.

“Kurt?” He asks on the other line. “Hey, you can still top if you want.” He sounds playful but you don’t feel like joking anymore.

“We’ll see.” You answer, but it comes out awkwardly bitter. “When are you coming? So I’ll make sure no one bothers, you know, for the sex …”

“Yeah, that …” Sebastian murmurs, maybe to himself, you can’t be sure. “In two weeks. If you email me your address, I’ll just come there. Or maybe you could come to the station and then drive me to your place.”

You know he is joking, but you still feel hurt. You feel like screaming into his face that you don’t need just sex, but the truth is that sex with him is that only thing that made you feel alive and you’re afraid of losing it because you ask for too much. It’s already that much that Sebastian felt intimate and good and safe, you can’t be lucky enough to have feeling into this too.

“Whatever.” You murmur softly. “Just let me know-”

“Kurt?” He cuts you, so you assume you failed your attempt of keeping your voice steady and detached. “I was joking, you know. About the switching off thing. I mean, I’m going to visit my friend when I’ll be there, but I was wondering …”

He takes the longest of pauses and you just breathe through it.

“Can I stay there? At your place? You said you live alone, right?” He asks softly. “It sucks to admit it, but I loved talking to you during the last few weeks, and I … I feel kind of disgustingly sad when I get online and you’re not there.”

You find yourself holding your breath for so long. Things are happening all of a sudden and it seems too fast, too hurried, too much; and yet, you can’t bring yourself to care. It doesn’t matter that Sebastian has just said that he feels sad whenever you are not online; it doesn’t matter that this awareness makes you all dizzy.

“Sure.” You say, sounding a little less bitter now – Sebastian’s sweet words making their way into his chest. “I mean, huh, you would have to sleep on the couch-”

“Seriously, Kurt?” Sebastian laughs. “We’ve already slept together, naked.”

“My place, my rules.” You say, though you’re smiling and you’re sure you would sleep with him. “But, Sebastian?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we going to exchange presents?” You ask, feeling a little stupid at the question. Indeed, Sebastian laughs fully and seems a little less tensed, like he’s already forgotten about his little confession.

“No, that would be too gay.” He jokes, but that sounds awkwardly fond. “No presents, got it?”

“Got it.” You smile stupidly and feel silly at doing so. “Hmm, is this something we do now?”

“What?”

“Talking on the phone?” You bite your lower lip nervously. 

Sebastian is silent for a moment, just the slightest, but it seems forever to you. 

“Yeah. It’s something we do now.” 

/

Two weeks later, you are actually driving to go and get Sebastian at the airport. 

You feel anxious and enthusiastic at the same time and when Sebastian actually gestures you from the sidewalk and you pull over, you can’t help the little smirk on your face. He walks around the car and takes care of putting his bags in the hood and then comes sitting next to you, in the passenger seat.

You turn to him and smile, already enjoying the banter that is coming, but then Sebastian leans over his seat and kisses your mouth.

You jolt and groan, the surprise of it making you suddenly uncomfortable. You manage to enjoy just the mere pressure of his mouth before you’re moving back harshly, looking at him with shock over your features, especially because Sebastian looks like he hasn’t fucking done anything.

“What the hell?” You ask awkwardly.

“Wanted to kiss you.” He shrugs and blinks innocently. “I missed your perfect little mouth.”

It makes you feel weird and you can’t allow it.

“Sebastian.” You start and look into his eyes firmly. “We are not dating.”

He laughs, “Of course. Dating sounds stupid, I live in Ohio.”

You sigh and try to keep control. You don’t want to fight and look like the boring one in here. “Right,” you allow, “That means … you can’t do stuff like that.”

“Kissing you?” Sebastian asks curiously, way too amused.

“Kissing me.” You say and you pull off the handbrake. “Especially when we’re not home.” You look at the road, waiting for the right moment to get in the streets again.

“So that means no kissing when we’re going to have sex?” He asks, sounding ridiculously playfully and you sigh, not moving your eyes away from the road.

“You know what I meant. No kissing when we’re not having sex.”

It’s sad, you know it. The fact that you’ve already stated that you’re going to have sex, like you’re letting Sebastian take everything he wants from you without even trying to have some dignity. But you just swallow it down and drive through the street. Sebastian is silent all the time but you can feel his eyes on you and you’re pretty sure he is grinning.

When you stop by the building, it’s about thirty minutes later (it wasn’t far but weather is terrible and the traffic is even worse). You get out of the car after Sebastian has already. He is opening the hood and pulling out a big trolley and then another hand bag.

“You need help with that?” You ask, standing on the sidewalk, crossing arms to your chest.

“Yup, can you carry this?” He hands you the small bag and you lean forward to take it.

Sebastian closes the hood and then you gesture him to follow you to the main entrance, his bag in your hand. Sebastian just does and only when you reach for the inside and the elevator, and he’s checked that there’s no one there, he slaps your ass. It’s a soft slap, playful, but you still turn around in shock.

He shrugs innocently and you roll your eyes as you get into the elevator, having no idea what is going through Sebastian’s mind.

You open the door of your apartment with your free hand and gesture him to walk in first.

“Gentleman,” Sebastian lifts his eyebrows and steps closer.

Before he enters the apartment, he seals a soft kiss on the tip of your nose. He stops there, grinning inches away from your face and you swallow once more. From here, you can count the freckles on his face, feel his breath on your skin. Well, maybe he can kiss you if he wants it so much. You want it too.

From the smug smile Sebastian is showing you, he probably wants the same.

You close the door behind your back and gesture him to place his trolley somewhere around the main hall as you stalk to the kitchen, with his bag still in your hands. Sebastian leans it against the wall and the follows you around.

“You want to drink something?” You put his smaller bag on the table. “No alcohol before 8 pm, that’s a rule.”

You hear his laugh coming from behind you while you open the fridge. It makes you grin.

“Then let’s just stick to water,” Sebastian replies and you hear the sound of a zipper. It seems long enough for it not to be his pants, so you’re relieved; he’s probably just opening his bag.

You grab the water and take two plastic cups from the counter, between your fingers. When you turn around though, Sebastian is standing beside the table, handing you something.

You laugh nervously and make a little squeaked sound, “What’s that?” You ask, nodding at the box in his hands. 

It looks like a present, but it’s small. You guess it must something Sebastian bought for his famous best friend. Maybe it’s fragile and now he wants to pull it out of the bag before it breaks. But he’s handing it to you. To you.

“Your Christmas present,” He smirks hugely and proud.

Your chest gets filled with sudden and joy and heat, until you realize what he’s done and your jaw drops. You had made arrangements, no Christmas present.

“Sebastian …” You play with your feet, a little uncomfortably. “You didn’t-I thought we agreed-”

“Yeah, that was the plan.” Sebastian smirks at you and moves his hand nervously, clearly wanting for you to take it. “But then we talked and I saw it. I couldn’t resist because I know I did something horrible, and if you don’t want to accept it as a Christmas present, at least pretend it’s a way for me to apologize.”

“For what?” You ask, pressing your lips together. When was the last time a boy bought you a present?

“For telling you about the switching-off crap,” Sebastian sighs and steps closer, finally pushing the box physically into your hands, “for making you believe that I wanted to come here just for sex.”

“Oh?” You’re surprised and holding your breath, but you finally wrap your fingers around the little box. “I … you didn’t need to apologize,” you look up to meet his gaze, “I thought you said you were joking already?”

Sebastian shrugs but at the same time he’s showing you a little dummy grin that forces you to look down at the little box in your hands.

“Do I have to open it now?” You ask, looking up to him and shifting from one foot to the other, a little nervously.

“If you want to,” Sebastian smirks, “But if I know you well – and believe me, I already do – you’re dying to open it.”

You smirk back, “And you’re dying to tease me. That helps me controlling my enthusiasm.”

“Don’t open it then.” Sebastian prompts. “Let’s just spend the holidays together and open it when you feel like it.”

You smile and nods, trying to ignore the butterflies that are suddenly invading your stomach at this naïve little foreplay between the two of you. You step away from Sebastian and walk to the small table at the corner of the kitchen. You put it there, passing your fingertips on the cold and colored paper in which it is wrapped. It warms your heart that Sebastian actually bought you a present, but you feel guilty because you haven’t done the same.

You are about to turn and tell him when you find yourself stiffening at the touch of Sebastian’s hands on your hips. You tighten your shoulders and arch a little until your back is pressed against his chest. That is when you feel Sebastian’s lips moving to brush over the frame of your ear.

“Cook me dinner?” He whispers, seducing and convincing.

“I’m not your housewife,” You snap, but it’s not bitter or mean, just sarcastic.

“You’re not.” Sebastian confirms and he moves his mouth downward to kiss over the column of your neck. “But I’m your guest … Pretty sure you don’t want anybody to think you’re a bad host.”

You laugh and loosen up a little, “No, I don’t. What do you want to eat, my beloved guest?”

You have no idea why you are whispering, but you love it. Somehow, when you were in high school, you had no idea Sebastian could even understand such an intimate contact, just being close and pressed together, just whispering and chuckling. But now you’re learning more about him, from Skype nights, phone calls and texts. There’s a softer side of him, and though he hides it and you’re not sure it means something more than just affection, it’s still something you want to explore.

“Exactly,” Sebastian presses another kiss under your ear and you turn just slightly, until the tips of your noses are almost brushing together.

“I thought I said no kisses,” You smile through the rebuke.

“But this isn’t a real kiss.” He remarks smirking, and with a smooth quick movement, he takes your arms in his hands and makes you spin until you’re bent in his arms, suspended in the air. “This is.”

Before you can complain, Sebastian is already arching down and pressing his lips on your own. You would stop him, but there’s something in what he’s told you, that he isn’t here just for the sex that makes you melt under the soft pressure.

If you think about it, it was so stupid of you to think that it could be just for the sex. Emotionally, you feel like you’re not enough to convince someone to want you again for more than that (goodbyes are the only thing you’ve know recently), but rationally, you also know that Sebastian is that attractive. If he wanted sex and sex only, he could have found it anywhere in Ohio. He wouldn’t need to buy a ticket to New York to see you. The switching-off is such a stupid excuse that you can think about it more soberly. 

The moment Sebastian presses just the tip of his tongue on your sealed lips, you open up, waiting for the kiss to deepen. But Sebastian moves back, and when you open your eyes (when did you even close them?), he is smirking smugly at you like he won some kind of challenge.

“No kissing, huh?” He winks and you blush and press your lips together. “You might want to take your Christmas-time rules back, babe.”

You lift your hands and press them against his chest, pushing him away.

“You’re a jerk,” You stand up completely and walk away from him, though there’s an amused grin on your face and an entire flock of butterflies in your stomach.

“I sure am.” Sebastian sniggers.

Dinner feels awkwardly ordinary. Sebastian and you chat while you cook, lightly, saying almost the same things you wrote to each other during the last few weeks, sharing stories and making jokes. Even while you eat, the feeling of lightness that comes with it it’s too good to believe it. By the end of the evening, after you’ve washed the dishes together, throwing hot water at each other, your stomach hurts from laughing.

Sebastian seems to be amused too.

“So,” He says, cleaning his hands with a patch, “What are we doing now? Going out drinking? Watching movies? Sex marathon?” He teases and you shake your head, still chuckling.

“The last time we were drinking was a disaster,” you joke but tense up when Sebastian’s smirk drops and he seems concerned. “I mean, not a disaster, just … you know I had headaches in the morning so …” His face lights up a bit and then you swing your hand in the air nervously, “But there’s some wine, if you think you can’t stand me sober-”

“I can.” Sebastian replies seriously, his gaze so intense that it feels like it’s burning your skin. “I can stand you sober, I can stand you in every possible way.”

For a moment, you don’t say anything. You just stare at each other while you’re standing beside the counter. You swallow but never tear your eyes off of Sebastian, you never stop staring into his. There is some energy between the two of you, some silent exchange that says a lot more than words ever could.

Eventually, you are the one to break the tension.

“Good,” You smile hugely, a quick shiver running down your spine, “Because I could try and stand you back.”

Sebastian’s lips tilt up into a grin and he walks to you. Your smile drops immediately at the closeness and stiffen up when Sebastian puts his hands delicately on your cheeks, holding your face and closing his eyes.

This time the kiss is less awkward when he bends. You open up almost immediately and your tongues slide together in a moment. Your little groan of surprise must have got to Sebastian’s ears, because moves one hand down and grabs your hip to tug you closer. When you slide against him, feeling his body close and warm, as you wanted to feel it for weeks, the magnificence of it almost makes you faint.

Sebastian feels so, so good.

It’s as if everything about his body feels like the complete opposite of what his personality would say: it’s safe, you want him to hold you.

When Sebastian moves a little back, licking his lower lip and staring between your eyes and your mouth, you know he has got the word “bedroom?” printed on his lips. He doesn’t say it though, and you know why. He doesn’t want you to think that he is actually here for the sex. So, instead, he asks for something different.

“Huh, do you feel like going out for a walk?” He laughs nervously and it sounds amazing (voice hoarse and breath cut from kissing), “it’s getting hot in here.”

“Yeah.” You nod and laugh back. “Yeah, we can do that.”

By the time you’ve walked thirty minutes down the boulevard, pin-pointing at every single building you see to tell a story about it, every kind of weird tension has washed off. Of course, everytime you look at him, you still feel like kissing Sebastian, but it’s easier to keep it while you’re down the street. 

“And here’s where I usually go out on dates.” You nod towards a little night café on the other side of the road. “You know, that place I told you about. It’s a little too classy for coffee, but at least they know I’m not cheap.” You joke and turn towards Sebastian, little flashes of the neon lights crossing over his cheekbones. 

He isn’t paying any attention to what you’re saying eventually. He is staring at you instead, not even a quick gaze to the shop. You lick your lips and feel your heart sinking into your boots. You didn’t sign in for feelings and heartaches when you gave yourself to him in that hotel room. You only wanted sex, one night when you could turn off your heart and let yourself have fun. But it seems like there is no way to turn your heart off. At least, there’s no way to turn it off when it comes to this boy by now. Funny, because you’re supposed to hate him. 

You’re supposed to forgive him for real at least before something happens.

Sebastian is supposed to openly apologize, because that never happened.

Sebastian awkwardly apologized for something recent but never did for all the horrible things he did to you back then. The idea of it makes you all tensed, but you tried to push the feeling away. Wouldn’t it be childish of you to bring it back now? Now that Sebastian is staring at your face like it’s the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and no one managed to make you feel like that in the last few months or more? 

“Is there’s something on my face?” You ask then, smiling and trying to look amused.

“A ridiculous amount of attractiveness.” Sebastian lifts his eyebrows, surprised at your confidence perhaps. “Or maybe you’ve put a mirror on your face and-hey!” He laughs and jolts when you slap his arm.

“How to fuck up a moment, wow, Smythe.” You shake your head, but you’re still joking. “Pretty sure I was going to give you everything for that compliment.”

“You’re desperate then.” Sebastian blinks, his smile dropping a little. “You’re supposed to give everything to someone when you feel like doing so. I’m surprised that the high school diva lets himself flatter over compliments.”

Your heart is beating faster all of a sudden, and it has nothing to do with the closeness or the amazing smell of Sebastian’s cologne. This is pain. What he’s just said is hurtful because it’s true. You look down and shake your head for a moment, forcing yourself to fight the tears that are gathering into your eyes. You don’t want to do this, don’t want to cry in front of him.

He’ll probably just smell the despair and leave you alone.

Everybody does so, why would he be any different?

When an entire minute has gone by and you’re already getting used to the idea that instead you are the one who fucked everything, Sebastian lifts his hand, thumb crossing your cheek and wiping away the tears that has run along your skin before you could stop it.

You look up, feeling breathless at the touch and helpless with fear.

“I’m sorry.” You have no idea what you’re apologizing for. “I am, so much--”

“Why that, sweetheart?” Sebastian smiles and you’re melting again in the blink of an eye. “I feel a little sick at saying so, but you look gorgeous when you cry.” 

You chuckle nervously, enjoying the warm little pressure of his fingertip on your face as strokes over and over again. “Well, it’s not pleasant for me,” You choke and his smile widens.

“Oh I know.” He moves in closer, brings his other hand on your other cheek as he grabs your face. “Why are you crying now, princess?”

You breathe in and out.

You bite your lower lip.

You look into his eyes.

But you have no idea where to begin. 

It’s just such a huge black hole of events and why would Sebastian even care? You would probably bore him to death.

“Talk to me.” He’s saying though, sounding awkwardly reassuring, so much that the only thing that you can do is to nod towards the café.

“I just want to have a coffee. With you.” You say, your voice sounding shaky and hesitating.

Once more, Sebastian breaks the rule you’ve set with when he got to New York.

He stares between your eyes and your mouth for several moments and then just leans over. You try to fight your own desire, try to scoot a little back, but in a second, you’re giving in and arching up instead, meeting him halfway for another kiss. This is just the chemicals between the two of you. You might want to get used to it (at least you hope it will last enough for you to get used to something that you won’t have to erase tomorrow already).

The pressure of his mouth on yours when they meet is strangely less intense but not less pleasant. Instead of feeling passionate and wanting, it’s more reassuring. Sebastian’s kiss tastes a lot like comfort right now and before you know it, you’re wrapping your arms around his neck already. He wraps his own around your waist, hands meeting on your lower back as he tugs you closer.

There’s a sense of light happiness building up within you, the warm touch of Sebastian heating the space around you and fighting the coldness of the streets in New York. Moments ago you were feeling on the edge again and now you almost believe Sebastian’s kiss is magic. It heals wounds and maybe it’s just because he is a good kisser, but you could spend the night by only doing this. Kissing and not even feeling the need of something more. Even kissing is enough.

Sebastian suckles your lower lip into his mouth, groaning just a little against the wet skin and when you’re about to give back, he trails away, keeping you close by your hips but tilting his head back. There’s a satisfied little grin on his face, it warms your chest.

“All the coffee you want, babe.” He teases and bends once more to kiss your forehead. “Just have a tasty one, I’m going to kiss you more later.”

“I’m going to brush my teeth when we go back, you know.” You press your lips together, feeling so happy that you could jump in his arms.

Sebastian smirks.

“How to fuck up a moment, wow, Hummel.” He parrots and you hit his side with your elbow.

“Idiot.” You giggle.

“So I’ve been told.”

40 minutes later, after a coffee and some little chat at the table of that shop, you come home with the little bastard. He’s made you laugh so hard tonight that you feel like your lungs are hurting for lack of air. The reason why you don’t feel too proud about keeping it is that Sebastian has laughed too, so you must be a pretty damn entertainer just like he is.

You are still laughing loudly along the hallway that brings to your door when Sebastian grabs your hips and pins you into the wall, mouth wandering over your neck and finally settling there. Your laughs turn into fresh moans, eyes going shut at the immediate sensation of his mouth working on your skin.

Your hand ends up through his hair and your hips jolt forward to meet his own. 

You’re sober but you’ve never felt more drunk.

You’re drunk on him and it scares you.

Sebastian sucks on that little spot that drives you crazy, right along the column of your neck, but then stops abruptly to look up at you with a confused expression over his features. For a moment you’re afraid he’s about to tell you something horrible. God, you’re so used to it.

“Is that a scar?” He asks and when you notice that his pupils are still blown, you guess nothing bad is to come.

“Yeah, I got it--”

“It’s fucking hot.” He bites his lower lip smugly, “You’re just—so full of surprises.”

You’re so different from each other. You wonder why Sebastian looks hot when he bites his lower lip while you just look like a kid when you do so.

“You too though.” You shrug and whisper, voice quite. “You are full of surprises too.”

“Really?” Sebastian’s smirk turns softer but huger. How is that even possible?

“Oh really.” You smirk back. “So sweet, Smythe. I have some blackmail material that claims you could be a perfect boyfriend.”

Sebastian sniggers. “Let’s go in, would you?”

You breathe in harshly, your smile dropping as you nod, “Yeah, right.” You shake your head.

Of course.

Sex.

This is probably what Sebastian craves. That is why he is being sweet.

You move away from the space between his body and the wall smoothly and suddenly and you can almost feel Sebastian’s eyes on you when you do so, as you slip your hand in your pocket to pull out the key and flick it into the locket until the door is open. You slide in without saying a word, leaving the door open for Sebastian to follow you anyway. Here’s it. You’re probably just being selfish and childish: this is supposed to be about two mature people dealing with what they want and can have, and still you’re holding on to romantic hopes because you’re desperate, like a teenage drama boy. Maybe you haven’t changed after all.

“Kurt?” You hear Sebastian calling after he’s closed the door behind the two of you.

You don’t turn. Instead, you just put your key on the little table along the small all and walk through the hallway, starting to undo your precious Armani jacket.

“Kurt?” He calls you again and God, he sounds so, so interested and spontaneously concerned but you are afraid that it’s just your mind playing tricks; that it is not just as it sounds.

You reach for the bedroom at the end of the hallway, but Sebastian is still walking beside you like he’s your shadow. When you’ve almost reached the bed, his fingers manage to catch your wrist and tug you so strongly that you’re forced to turn around.

“Kurt, what’s going on-”

Sebastian’s words die in his throat and he blinks in shock; then you understand there must be something over your face.

“Kurt …” His voice sounds softer again and then you finally feel the tears that is streaming down your face. “Why did you let someone break you like this?” He blinks nervously, his fingers wrapped tightly around your wrist, so much that it hurts.

You want to tell him to let go, want to tell him not to touch you, but you can’t because deep within yourself you know that this is just all you need of. Affection. Sebastian is giving it to you and though you have no idea whether this is voluntarily or just accidental, you’re scared to let it go.

“You’re hurting me,” You just murmur then, when his fingertips press a little into the skin of you wrist.

Sebastian pulls his hand off and when you’re already regretting it, he reaches out for your fingers instead, not holding it, but stroking it with his own. It’s odd but amazing. The soft and bare touch feel like everything, makes goosebumps run along every inch of your body.

“I’m sorry.” He says once more and he sounds so sincere that you could maybe get used to the way the word comes out of his mouth. “I didn’t realize, but you weren’t talking to me--”

“Why is it so important?” You shrug, your voice coming out quiet and broken. “Why do you even care about talking to me about this? It’s not like it will matter when whatever this is that we have is going to be over.”

You’re not mad at him, not really.

You’re actually trying to understand what the reason why someone should waste their own time like this is actually.

Sebastian is frowning though, his forehead wrinkling adorably.

“Who says it’s going to be over?” He tilts his head on the side and takes a step towards you, moving into your personal space, fingers moving up to brush the back of your hand.

“You don’t actually want me to believe that you’re here because you want to marry me and spend the last of your life with me, do you?” You wince, feeling like he’s fooling you.

“No, of course not.” Sebastian looks into your eyes in the most sincere and honest way. You’re already breathing in with resignation when he adds, “but this doesn’t mean it can’t happen--”

“What?” Your eyes go wide and you stare at him in shock. “Have you gone crazy-”

“Let me finish.” Sebastian rebukes and you bite your lower lip not to speak. He suckles a little breathe in and begins, his eyes never leave yours. “What I mean is that you’re already rejecting the idea of it and you don’t even know what I think or how I feel about this. You’re pushing me away without letting me in, and no, no innuendos in here.” He stops you before you can try and change the topic. “My point being, how can you know that something isn’t going to work if you’re not willing to give it a chance yourself?”

You wince uncomfortably now, feeling bare and embarrassed at the idea that Sebastian has somehow managed to read so easily into you. You want him to hug you but at the same time you wouldn’t even want him to look at you right now. You feel pathetic and you’re pretty sure there’s nothing you can do about it.

“I just … I have no idea what the point of this conversation actually is.” You try to sound like you’re not too nervous. You are though and it’s clearly showing. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say to me and even if I did, it wouldn’t make any sense anyway. I don’t get why it is so important to you.”

Sebastian looks at you with an honest concern that you thought you’d never see into his eyes. So you take a step back, building up walls around you and putting some distance between the two of you as fast as you can. When you turn around though, you notice that there’s nothing but the bed and the wall in this direction. You’re screwed.

You sit down slowly and lift your gaze towards him awkwardly.

Sebastian barely blinks before he’s speaking, eyes chained to yours.

“Remember that night at the hotel?” He walks closer, “I was there because my best friend was getting married.”

“Do you actually have a best friend?” You snap a little but all your intentions of being a bitch fade when Sebastian sits next to you and speaks softly.

“Hard to believe, ain’t it?” He smiles weakly. “I am so aware of the horrible person I was, Kurt. I’ve been awful in the past and nobody knows better than you. But you also know that I happened to change after what happened with Karofsky, don’t you? I’ve realize words can hurt people and when people get hurt by you and you realize, well, it’s a shitty feeling.”

“Yeah.” You breathe in and look into his eyes, “But still, what’s the point?”

“The point is that when I saw you, that night, you looked wrecked.” He murmurs softly, so quietly that you can feel the way he’s afraid to speak those words out loud. “You looked like somebody broke you so badly, no one could fix it. You were sitting on a stool, drinking all alone.” Your heart starts to hammer inside your chest as your cheeks flush all of a sudden. “You told me you weren’t on pills.”

“I wasn’t,” You answer quickly.

“But I didn’t believe you.” Sebastian shakes his head and you feel like crying again. It’s almost humiliating. “Then you told me you weren’t trying to kill yourself.”

“And I wasn’t,” You insist, your eyes continuously shifting from sadness to anger.

“But I didn’t believe you anyway.” Sebastian leans his hand on yours, pressing it just a little into the mattress. “I didn’t believe a word you said and I was so afraid that you would have done something stupid--”

“You were concerned? About me?” You lift your eyebrows instinctively. “You’ve never like me.”

“Neither have you, but what would you have felt like if you were in my shoes, think about it.” He squeezes your hand just a little.

You swallow and let yourself think.

You can easily imagine Sebastian sitting on a stool, drink in his hand (indeed, it reminds you of the first time you saw him like that, at Scandals). You imagine him having a sad lifeless look over his features. The vision aches and makes you want to lean in closer and just cuddle him all night long. So what if he’s felt like this when he saw you? What if he’s feeling like that even now? You don’t want him to.

“I’m sorry,” You murmur instinctively and look into his eyes.

They’re shining with a dim little concerned light.

“What for, princess?” He smiles softly. “I should be sorry for not making things clear from the first moment. I know it was a hook-up but it meant something to me. You don’t usual end up in bed with people you don’t like, especially if it doesn’t turn into angry sex.”

“So,” You move in closer, squeezing his hand back, “what you’re saying is that you do like me?”

Sebastian’s smile gets a little huger and moves in too, until the tip of his nose is almost brushing yours. 

“What I’m saying,” he says playfully, wrinkling his nose adorably, “is that you should give us a chance before you decide it won’t work.”

“I might get hurt,” You murmur back, but it doesn’t sound believable, not when you’re staring at his mouth, so close to yours.

“You might get better,” He replies and when you look up to his eyes again to give him one bitch glare for implying that you need to get better, he adds, “I myself need to get better. I feel better when I talk you, when we’re on the phone. I feel amazingly when we kiss.”

You smiles nervously, torturing your lower lip with your teeth. You had no idea that compliments would make you blush still, but it’s not a bad thing. You love this shyness now, you’ve embraced it. It’s not like when you were in high school and you secretly hated that Sebastian was so freaking cool and you were just the good guy, the underdog.

“Well, I don’t feel bad when I kiss you either,” You say a little smugly and Sebastian pouts, “Indeed, I didn’t know meerkats could lick your face so gently--”

“Lick. You. Face?” Sebastian asks in shock, his mouth shaped like ‘o’. “What is that supposed to mean, I’m an awesome kisser!”

You laugh and shake your head, putting a hand on your mouth to cover it, but Sebastian is quick to grab your wrist and pull it off. When you’re about to ask him what is this, Sebastian moves in closer, just a few inches more and then you’re kissing again. It feels like the most amazing of things now and you can feel every single negative tension washed off of you both. Communicating really does things.

You let him kiss you for a moment, just enjoying the pleasant feeling of having someone who craves your mouth again, and then you start kissing back. For some reason, you think this is Sebastian’s way to show you that he can kiss indeed. You smile in the kiss when you realize that and you expect Sebastian to move in to lay you on the bed. But he doesn’t. So you just spend uncountable minutes kissing and kissing, that’s all.

The night doesn’t end up with sex as you imagined it would. In fact, when you are about to surrender and just let yourself enjoy Sebastian some more, he breaks the kiss and nuzzles along your cheekbone, with a silly little grin on his face.

“Can I make you coffee?” He asks and you melt to the ground.

It had been so long since someone wanted to take care of you.

/

What you are learning during these weeks is that Sebastian is completely unpredictable and full of surprises. You had already discovered most of his secret passions by text or phone calls (painting, playing the violin, reading), but that is nothing like having the chance to analyze his little habits and vices by person.

It’s like it is a brand new world.

Sebastian hums to Bruno Mars songs, like, he can’t help it. Every single time you put on a Bruno Mars song (and you do it on purpose because you’re starting to like his voice better than you did in high school), he starts singing, no matter what he’s doing, without even realizing. When it happens, you smile to yourself and the tiny stab you feel inside your chest seems oddly dangerous, but you can’t stop. Falling for Sebastian might be hurtful, but it’s also inevitable at this point. 

You found out about his cooking skills. He’s never talked about that when you chatted and you have no idea why. Considering his way of thinking, it’s probably because Sebastian would think it’s embarrassing for a guy like him to cook. You don’t think so. In fact, he is pretty sexy when he’s all focused on the counter, when he buzzed around your kitchen to think of something to cook for you.

Not to mention, that he does sleep half naked. When he told you, at first, you thought it was just one of those stupid things Sebastian does to make you uncomfortable or embarrassed. 

You could hate him when you didn’t know he hummed to Bruno Mars songs.

You could hate him when you didn’t know that he liked taking care of someone.

You could hate him when he went after Blaine, instead of you.

Right now, the more time goes by, the less you manage to find a good reason to hate him. It’s like he casts a spell on you. Somehow though, on those days when you can’t help but notice the way he looks at you, you’re pretty sure you cast a spell on him too (it must be your present too, finding out that Sebastian had bought for you that precious scarf you talked about on the phone for Christmas).

It is one of those days and those moments, when you are pulling his hoodie on in front of the mirror of your room (you have no idea when the two of you started sharing clothes) and two hands come to rest of your hips. Sleeping beside Sebastian doesn’t feel awkward at all, but him kissing your neck while hugging you from behind is so much more than that.

You look at his through the mirror and breathe in softly, a smile popping on your face when your eyes find his own. Sebastian has got his chin leant on your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your waist now.

“Good morning,” You feel a little dummy for saying so, but he keeps on looking at you with something unreadable over his face.

He isn’t smiling, but he doesn’t look sad or angry or anything. His gaze is just intensely linked to yours.

“Hmm, I was going to make you breakfast?” You murmur tentatively, but Sebastian just kisses your neck again, making you stiffen as your heart beats faster. You don’t know whether these are feelings or just consequences of a momentarily excitement at the contact.

“Don’t.” He nuzzles between your neck and your jaw, brushing your skin gently. “Not yet.”

You press your lips together awkwardly but then he is moving his lips upwards, tracing the line of your cheekbones. It feels amazing, the touch of it. So delicate and soft and wonderful, sending little shivers along your spine. It’s so wonderful that you let yourself enjoy the touch, wet tiny kisses making you regret every rule you’ve given yourself about this situation. Sebastian’s arms tighten around you and you have no idea whether this is just a subconscious instinct to read into. Maybe it’s not and reading into things might get you too hurt again.

“I want you,” Sebastian murmurs into your ear though, making your legs shake and your heart flip on itself, “I need you.”

You’re sure you’ve never heard his voice cracking like this, in the middle of a sentence, delicate but still sounding desperate somehow. 

You don’t want him to feel desperate. 

You know how it feels like. 

You’ve been desperate for years now. All you want is to be okay and you want Sebastian to be okay too. 

It’s a protective instinct that is building up inside you, has done so over the last few days, and now all you want is to just let it be. You want to take care of him because he has shown you that he wants to take care of you right back. 

With this idea in mind, you turn around and lift your arms to wrap them around Sebastian’s neck. His hands move smoothly to your hips again and his lips tilt into a smile. Somewhere along his face, you’re sure you can see some relief and you don’t know how you feel at the idea of Sebastian Smythe being relieved because you’re not pushing him away.

“Have me then,” You whisper, licking your lower lip when he lifts his eyebrows, pleasantly surprised.

“I thought this wasn’t about sex,” He jokes and winks, but he looks like he needs reassurance more than anything.

“It’s not.” You reply immediately and stroke the back of his neck, looking into his eyes to makes sure he knows you have no doubt. “It’s not just that. I want you …” You hesitate for a moment, scared that it’s going to sound way too stupid, “I want you in many different ways, this is not just sex.”

Sebastian’s lips arch in a huge smile and he’s tugging at your hips to pull you closer until your waists are accidently brushing together.

His body feels magnificently warm and Sebastian seems to appreciate yours to. Nevertheless, he stops moving in right when you were about to kiss. He tilts his head back and smirks teasingly.

“Are you sure it’s not about sex? Because, you know, I would get it,” He gives you that ridiculous smirky little meerkat face you hated a few months ago, “I’m hot, you’re hot, we’re alone in the bedroom of your apartment … sex is kind of the natural conclusion.”

You shake your head, having no idea why you are so serious when it’s evident that he is just joking. 

“It’s not sex. If I wanted sex, I could have easily gone out and hooked-up with some stranger.” You murmur and look into his eyes. When Sebastian seems way to curious about your seriousness, you shake your head and try to push it away. “Since when do you consider me hot? I thought that - you know, with the gay-face, girl-clothes thing – we had already determined how not-hot I am.”

You’re just joking but now it’s Sebastian’s turn to be serious.

It’s pretty evident to you that you’re just two dumbasses who can’t live as easily as you thought you would.

“Since your arms have become this attractive and your face has grown up so much, I can see your mustache growing.” He teases but his voice doesn’t seem too relaxed. “Since your confidence has grown and believe me, Kurt, you’ve always been hot. Sometimes it’s just the situation that won’t make you realize how hot a man actually is, but don’t ever think for a moment that you’re not hot.”

You want to say something, want to argue, but you can’t. All you can do is to tighten your arms around Sebastian’s neck and lean in for another kiss.

The way he presses on your hips and tugs you until you’re so close that you’re practically glued is amazing. It makes you feel oh so wanted and you’re thankful for this. You don’t know if you’re actually thankful to Sebastian though, because he probably has no idea of the effect he is doing on you, of how much you needed this right now.

So you move away from his lips and just murmur, “Show me how hot I am.” There, over his mouth, as an invitation.

Sebastian’s lips tilt into a smirk and he seems to take it, “You show me how hot you are.”

You frown immediately, blinking in confusion but Sebastian is already walking away from you. The cold from the lack of his body feels sickly uncomfortable and all you can do is staring while he sits on the corner of the bed and gets himself relaxed. 

He looks so obscenely good like this: pajama pants and white t-shirt, legs barely spread and hair messy from sleep. It’s not fair that he always looks this hot, so not fair. His eyes are shining with anticipation of something that you don’t even know yet.

“How?” You ask when Sebastian licks his lips and smiles nastily.

“Get naked for me.” He murmurs lowly and relaxes a little more on the bed. His also breathes out and you can notice the way his chest deflates and his pupils turn bigger. His eyes are as witty as ever but even more interested. 

Only when you’ve stopped with the staring, you manage to focus on his words. He wants to get naked. For him. You bite your lower lip immediately because you haven’t got naked for someone in such a long time, you’re not sure you know how to do it still.

“I, hmm, can’t we do it the traditional way?” You suggest, your hands meeting nervously as you stiffen up a little. It’s not the idea of stripping that scares you. That is okay, Sebastian has already seen you naked. The thing that scares you is that he will be staring at this full show, he can focus on every single detail of you while you move, not even kissing distractions or something. Not having the rush you had the first time, in that hotel.

“We could,” Sebastian smiles, “but I’m sure you would need this, it would do you good to expose your body without being ashamed or just insecure.”

“I’m not ashamed.” You snap, a little defensively and Sebastian lifts his eyebrows, like he wants to prove you that the reaction itself is a demonstration. You sigh and look down for a moment. This can’t be too embarrassing, can it? It’s just getting undressed.

It sounds good in your head, but when you try and put the theory into practice, you just stand there, in the middle of the room. This is probably why you like messy quickies when it comes to sex now. It’s surely the best way to do it, frantically, so that no one would focus on you and every single flaw of your body.

You have no idea how long you spend like this, standing in front of Sebastian, but eventually, he must get tired, because he is standing up.

For the slightest of moment, you think he is going to be mad at you.

Instead, he just moves slowly towards you, like he is afraid that every move he makes might scare you. He stops when he’s close enough to put his hands on your shoulders and winks – which is comforting and obscene at the same time.

“Let me take care of your clothes, would you?” He asks with a sly grin on his face and you just nods, your cheeks turning red.

You nod and swallow at the same time, but Sebastian seems to be quite determined to do this. He puts his fingers around the zipper of his hoodie, the one you’re wearing as if you had the right to do so, as if Sebastian was your boyfriend or something. He pulls it down and carefully, never looking away from your eyes. You bite your lower lip and shiver a little when the zipper is down completely.

He separates the limps of the hoodie, leaving your chest almost bare, your white thin undershirt almost making every single muscle visible for how tight it is. Sebastian moves the hoodie off of your shoulders, careless about letting it fall to the ground. If it was yours, you’d probably complain, but it’s his own clothes, so why bother?

Sebastian tilts his head back just a little and stares at your torso. His eyes wander all over it and then he is moving his hands quickly. He catches a nipple between his fingertips and you groan at the amazing pressure right there, on that sensible nub. 

“Ugh, Bas,” You murmur and he smirks hugely before arching on your body. His mouth slides easily on your neck and starts sucking on your skin, softly at first and then harshly. His hands wander all over you chest, he pinches at your nipples, strokes your chest and occasionally plays with the hems of your undershirt.

At first, you feel relieved.

You think that Sebastian is finally giving into the idea of having sex rather than making your reconsider your own body. That relax allows you to enjoy more and more the way he’s sucking and kissing on your neck, focusing on particular spots and tugging until you’re sure that your skin is turning red there. Your whole body starts feeling overwhelmed with it, a warm pressure growing within it until your legs aren’t stable anymore. Your cock starts growing in your pants and suddenly, you feel like moving your hands and tongue all over him. Fuck, it’s been so long since that night, so long since you had him. You want to make him yours again. Sebastian felt amazingly good for been just an asshole.

Sebastian starts tugging at your undershirt slowly, uncovering inches of skin second by second. His knuckles slide along your abs and you shivers a little more than usual. From the way he is moving, slow and careful, you are pretty sure that he is studying your body. His lips suckle more softly on your neck and you can’t resist your urge anymore. Your hips thrust forward and you sigh in relief when your half-erection slides against his body. Sebastian is half-hard too and he growls on your neck when he feels the pressure.

“Bastian,” you whisper, having no idea when you started using these nicknames, but also knowing this isn’t the first time you call him that. 

“Yeah, babe?” He murmurs and moves up press his cheek on your own, playing and touching your half covered abdomen, “What’s up?” He asks and you move too, the tip of your nose brushing along Sebastian’s thin and amazing cheekbone. 

“Let’s just skip this, can’t we?” You try but Sebastian chuckles in your ear. 

“Don’t worry, princess. There’s nothing to be shy about.” He whispers and you roll your eyes at the pleasant sound of his sexy voice so close to your skin that’s sending vibrations along your whole body. Sebastian moves his hands to finally lift the shirt over your chest and you hesitantly lift your arms, stumbling when you’re realizing he’s walking, making you step backwards.

He flips the undershirt over your head and makes it fall to the floor (and you mind just a little more, because it’s yours; Sebastian is lucky that these are just home clothes). When he notices that you’re walking with no balance at all, he wraps an arm around you to put a hand on your lower back. It makes you startle because his touch is direct on your skin and there are no layers between the two of you anymore. But then he is leaning you carefully against the door and you have no idea why.

You rest there shyly and stare as he takes his phone from the small table that is trapping you between it and your wardrobe. Your cheeks turn fire red when you see him lifting his phone in the air and snapping a picture of you.

“Wha-what are you doing?” You ask in shock and Sebastian just smirks and winks.

“I’m shooting material for my private entertainment,” He whispers and then he’s arching over you again, phone still in his hand. He sucks on your neck more roughly, making your half-hard dick throb again. He must sense it because he immediately pushes his hips against you until you’re body is so pressed in the wall that you can barely breathe.

And yet, you can’t bring yourself to mind it.

Instead, you tilt your head and make more room for his mouth to move on you.

“You’re talking about masturbation, aren’t you?” You ask quietly, but Sebastian just keeps on sucking. “Oh God,” you can’t keep it anymore when you feel the firm line of his dick pressing into your own, “Fuck, Sebastian.” You curse lowly, your eyes falling shut and your hand flying through Sebastian’s hair to push him into your neck as much as you can. 

He sucks once more and tears his mouth away roughly, only to press soft kisses under your jaw, “Wanna leave my marks all over your gorgeous little body, make it all flushed and red, your skin is so perfect, makes me wanna come all over it-”

“That’s gross,” You say, bumping with your hands on his chest for a moment, but you don’t really want to push him away.

Sebastian laughs.

“Yeah, I know, but it doesn’t make it less true.” He jokes and you try to catch his mouth, but the moment you do, Sebastian’s face is not there anymore, which forces you to open your eyes.

You shake your head softly, a little grimace of confusion spreading over your face, but then you realize and look down. Sebastian is on his knees, suddenly playing with the laces of your pajama pants with his fingers, smirking all the way up to you and shooting a wink at you that makes you fumble slightly against the wall. You didn’t see this coming, but when Sebastian starts placing soft and sloppy kisses along your lower abdomen, his mouth brushing under your navel, you know what he is trying to do. What you don’t know if it is going to work.

“You taste so good,” he murmurs and it slowly gives you the right confidence to move your hand down and pass it through his hair until you’re patting his head.

Your fingers run so smoothly through his hair that you barely feel like doing it. It’s so automatic and spontaneous that you can’t keep from wanting to express how thankful you are for the way he is making you feel. However, Sebastian must be needy for something too because his hands are playing with the waistband of your pajama pants as keeps on kissing your abdomen. 

He pulls them down slowly, keeping his eyes closed and when you feel yourself completely naked, you think that it’d have been harder to get to this point. The first time had been easy, because you were dizzy from alcohol and mostly you were only there for sex (and your friends’ wedding actually – which makes feel a little sick); but right now, after you’ve let Sebastian enter the private walls of your apartment and let yourself enjoy his presence as a person rather than a toy, you can’t help but feel exposed.

Sebastian seems at ease though. He finally stops kissing you all the way and he tilts his head back to stare at where you’re naked now, hard and throbbing under his piercing gaze. You swallow, because you’re sure this isn’t anything new. Sebastian has already seen you like this indeed.

But if you didn’t know that for granted, you wouldn’t figure it out from the way he is looking at you. In fact, Sebastian has his eyes and his mouth wide open, looks at you with such a surprise on his face that it’s almost comical. You don’t understand it at first, but he’s quick to explain.

As he wraps his fingers around you, hand stroking your dick slowly, he looks up to meet your gaze and licks his lips. “You’re so much better like this,” he practically purrs, his eyes wetting from excitement, “I can enjoy every single inch of you now.”

You roll your eyes back a little at the amazing slow pace Sebastian’s hand is keeping around you. So good and relaxing, but still teasing enough to make you crave more. And slowly, you start to feel better about yourself. When you look down at Sebastian and he seems completely lost in contemplation of your whole body, you start feeling like you’re worth it again. It hadn’t happened in a while and now it’s making you feel amazingly good.

“Sebastian,” You call his name softly and he looks at your surprised at the tone; your eyes link and you bite your lower lip to not allow yourself to show the shiver running along your spine that makes you think this is more than expected, “I’m okay now.”

His lips tilt in a smile and then he’s looking down between your legs. Your dick throbs under the gaze but you barely have time to flush at the closeness that Sebastian is already licking a stripe along your erection, wet and warm and perfect. You move your fingers through his hair, pulling him a little closer as he wraps his mouth around you. It’s like a fond stroking though.

Yes, it’s hot and the way his mouth feels around you is amazing and makes you want more, but at the same time, there’s this growing feeling inside you that has hardly something to do with sex. His head bobs and you close your eyes, letting yourself lean against the wall so that you can just enjoy it all. 

Sebastian sucks and licks, kisses and murmurs worshipping words that make you feel like you’re the most handsome man alive, but what gets you the most, surprisingly, is when he blows a fresh breath over your leaking skin. It feels like it’s too much all of a sudden and you don’t want this to be over just yet.

“Stop, Sebastian, stop,” you murmur, speaking as lowly as you can and he pulls off of you quickly, like he doesn’t need you to add anything to know that you were close. 

“C’mere,” Sebastian says instead, pulling his pants off in the blink of an eye and sitting on the edge of the bed, jerking off quickly and throwing his phone on the mattress as you walk to him.

You try so hard not to stare, because it might feel awkward, but how could you not? Sebastian is there in front of you, he’s handsome and naked, looking right at you while his hands speeds along his dick and he bites his lower lip so hard that when he lets go, it’s all flushed and swollen. 

“Kurt, c’mere.” He repeats and you do, walking until you’re closer to the bed. 

Your hands end up on each side of his thighs and you lift your hand to bring your fingers to his mouth. It must be exactly what Sebastian had in mind because he growls and then wraps his lips around your fingers, sucking quickly and making them wet for you. His mouth follows the pace dictated by his own hand around him and you throb at the sight when he looks at you with his mouth still occupied. He stares intensely at you before he pulls off, eyes darker with need.

“C’mon, babe, get yourself ready for me,” he purrs and you move your hand to reach for your own hole, almost sitting on him but never actually getting there, because Sebastian is touching himself and you don’t want to lose that yet. A man jerking off because you look hot – it makes you feel extremely good.

You press the tips of your wet fingers inside, two of them sliding easily in and making your growl in pleasure as you shut your eyes and fuck yourself slowly. You can feel Sebastian playing with his dick, the leaking head sliding along your thigh and making a mess there. You’re lost in the sensation of it, so much that it takes you many seconds to realize that Sebastian is speaking.

“Yeah, babe, like that, fuck yourself for me, you look so good,” he’s whispering and he has suddenly a possessive hand wrapped around your waist. When he leans over to suck your nipple, your third finger slides easily in and you’re crying out in desperation.

At this point, you’re already aching to get touched, so whatever preparation you’ve got to yourself is enough in your opinion. So you pull your fingers out and put one hand on his shoulder to keep yourself from falling. When you look down though, Sebastian is already holding his erection in his fist so you take one long breath and sink down slowly. 

The sensation of being gradually filled by Sebastian is amazing, even when it’s just the head that is sliding inside your body. You close your eyes, just enjoying the sensation, when Sebastian puts his hand on your hips and pushes you slowly down until he’s filled you completely, the globes of your ass pressing against his crotch.

You just take a moment to relax and get used to the intrusion before you start riding Sebastian slowly. He doesn’t complain though. When you open your eyes, he’s staring at your face and guiding the movements of your hips with his hands. 

“You look so good,” he whispers and leans over to press warm and wonderful kisses along your chest as you follow his pace and move onto him, “every single inch of you, Kurt, so, so perfect. It’s annoying how perfect you are …”

“Everything about me is annoying, isn’t it?” You ask but you make sure Sebastian knows you’re joking. So he smirks on your skin and you just let your body loose as much as you can. 

“So annoying,” Sebastian growls and then he thrusts up, fucking up to meet your thrusts. It’s so good now that he’s moving too, so perfectly amazing. 

This time is completely different from the first one. That was just a little rougher and though there were strange sweet things already, right now you’re not only satisfied sexually, but also sentimentally. Sebastian has taken care of your doubts, kissed them away until you felt sure again. And now you do feel sure: you feel sexy, you feel in control, you’re rolling your hips like you know they’re going to drive Sebastian crazy. The way your orgasm builds inside you this time is incredibly slow and gradual, but it doesn’t make the sex any less amusing.

You just rock together and when you push your hands on Sebastian’s chest, he falls backwards, lying on the bed and carrying you with him.

That’s when you start riding him more quickly, a growing pace that is making you just feel with every single cell of your body. You impale yourself on him and Sebastian just enjoys it, enjoys the sight and leans his hands to squeeze your ass cheeks in the motion. You groan and move your hips faster, the fire burning inside you getting hotter and hotter as you finally feel the need to let go. Sebastian is unstoppable though, he thrusts up within you at a regular pace, never relenting, and you start to just take it, just let him fuck you while you move a hand along your abdomen to wrap your fingers around your own dick. You jerk off quickly and desperately, Sebastian looking at you like he knows exactly just how close you are.

“C’mon, babe, let go,” he purrs needy, like seeing you come is just a desire on his list, “come for me, let it go, fuck, you look so hot like this, so open for me …”

All it takes is for Sebastian to spread your cheeks with his hands so that stretching of your hole around him feels just right and then you’re spurting all over your own fist and his chest, pumping yourself through it and crying out in pleasure. You can almost feel your eyes getting wet at finally releasing your orgasm as your hips are still rocking, but slowing down gradually.

Sebastian must realize because he thrusts up once more and then he moves to reverse your position. In the blink of an eye, you’re being fucked roughly into the mattress but you don’t mind. You let yourself easily drift until you’re starting to feel sleepy again. You barely register when Sebastian starts to be close because he fastens his pace. You just take him and let him play with your body, occasionally suck on your nipples and you just wrap yours arms around him when he falls on you. He is panting heavily and laughing just a little, which you don’t understand.

“I feel so good,” He whispers in your ear, his chest moving on yours while he’s still buried inside you, “I feel so good with you. Better than I’ve ever felt with anyone else.” His voice shakes a little as he says that, which makes you think that maybe he is a little hesitant at sharing this information.

But he’s done so, and to you, those words seem like they’re the most important thing in the world right now. Sebastian is the person who is making you feel wanted again and as strange as it sounds, you just want to be with him, as long as he keeps on making you feel like this.

“I haven’t felt like this in a while.” You whisper back, stroking the back of his neck, his short hair there as you stare at the ceiling. You can’t say you’ve never felt like this before, it would be a lie. There was a time when Blaine made you feel like you were the most handsome man ever. But you thought it was never going to happen again. “I’m glad that you came here for the holidays.”

It’s out before you can even consider how exposed it’s going to make you feel. But it’s okay though. Once you’ve said it, you actually feel relieved. You only hesitate when Sebastian moves up from your body to look into your eyes. He is smiling but his gaze is a little insecure, you wouldn’t know why. 

“Really?” He asks though, his voice coming out low and hoarse but at the same time softer than ever.

“Really.” You murmur back and then he is leaning to kiss you again.

/

On the last day of these holidays, you are driving Sebastian to the station. You are split between sensations. You feel sad at the idea that he’s leaving already (mostly because you haven’t made detailed plans about when you’re going to see each other again), but at the same time, you feel incredibly thankful for the amazing time you’ve spent with him. As frustrating as Sebastian is, it surprisingly seems like he is even a little amusing. 

By the time you park your car around the station, you’ve already decided that you are going to be positive about this. Maybe it’s time to let yourself hope for once and push away the fear of being disappointed.

You turn off the engine and turn to Sebastian.

He is staring at you, but you’re not surprised. You’ve caught him doing so a lot these days. Your lips tilt in a smile, but he doesn’t grin back and for the slightest of moments, you’re afraid that the disappointment is already coming at you.

“I’m going to miss you,” Sebastian says though, shrugging a little like he wants to make it sound casual rather than human, “I’m going to miss you being mad at me, calling me names and just insulting me because it seems like it’s your new favorite spare time activity.”

You can’t help the way the angles of your mouth tilt up and then you’re pressing them together. There’s probably even a little flush along your cheekbones but who cares? This isn’t the moment to allow pride to step in the way of you and your happiness. You’ve already let too many people and things do that.

“I’m going to miss you too.” You nods and you’re sure you’re giving him that little kitty face you always do when you’re affectionate to someone. And that someone is Sebastian Smythe surprisingly. “I’m going to miss watching you as you try to cook. Complete disaster.”

Sebastian chokes but his laugh turns quickly into a smile. He looks down for a moment and you feel a little breathless, like you know some sort of moment is coming even though you have no idea what you’re heading to. Not until Sebastian looks at you again, some of his walls falling down as he lets you see this softer and more sincere part of him.

“We should do this again, huh, maybe?” He asks and though he’s put up his confident smirk, his voice sounds unsure.

You are not too amused at the doubt in his voice, but still, you know it’s him and you’ve started knowing his personality. So you lean in and throw a hand behind his neck, tugging him in until your lips meet. It’s softer and less urged than you’d though and the kiss comes more natural than anything you’ve done in the last few months. Sebastian’s mouth is the best thing you’ve ever tasted and that why you’re glad that the kissing lasts for several minutes. You won’t be able to kiss him when he’ll be momentarily (you hope so at least) gone.

When you move back, Sebastian’s lips are shining wetly. It makes your stomach clench and you smile as you look up into his eyes again.

“I’m looking forward to that,” You whisper and Sebastian smiles fully too.

In this moment, when you’re both grinning like two idiots and you both seem unwilling to let go, you get it. It’s just the beginning it’s not the end. Things will never be the same. 

Especially, when Sebastian pulls out of the car, walks around it to take his bags from the hood and then taps on your window, making you startle and whispering, “Accompanying me to the rails, aren’t you, babe?”, you know for sure.

This will definitely never be the same again.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Come here (Fanart)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141769) by [Eloriee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eloriee/pseuds/Eloriee)




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